nothing

Tricked by Nothing

2011-10-28T09:04:00.000-07:00

On October 28, 2011 Kristian Primeau wrote:
What a conundrum! Being observed by many as having done "...nothing, at all!", I have come to the conclusion that I have, in all actuality, accomplished alot...
Finally, a moment of epiphany... Nothing Is Something!
At last, hope and inspiration build...wait a minute...
I was tricked!

What can we say...

To which I replied:

Thanks for your musings on the 'state' of nothingness. It can be confusing to many because we are taught language so we can relate words and concepts to others. When it comes to nothing in general (the lack of something) it already starts to degrade. We quantify a lack with a simple measurement -a glass half-empty. Or we quantify a lack with an idea of what was (or should have been) there -if jane has three apples and john takes away two.

We are instructed from infancy in this simplistic addition & subtraction. Higher mathematics is not needed in the average person’s daily grind and thus falls into disuse as one progresses through real life. In my case, I had created my own style of math long before I learned to count (thus it was inherently non-numerical) so I was predisposed against the stale indoctrinations of the ignorant masses. I already had a system that worked, however, I was happy to incorporate this numerical math into my life because it was beneficial for communicating quantities of things.

This is how it worked when I was in school... you are shown a group of things and then you assign numbers to how many of them there are. If there are eight things in the picture you write an 8 on your worksheet. If there are four, you write 4. If there are forty billion things in the picture you use your advanced non-numerical math system that you made up all by yourself while you were still a baby and you translate your outcome to a recognizable numerical equivalent so you can share it with your teacher. Oh, that’s right, they wouldn’t bother with numbers too big to count or too small to count. Incidentally, those were the only things I was interested in.

You mention that others have noted you doing “...nothing at all!” and I would agree with you. Giving the impression of total non-essence is a great (some might say glorious) feat. But I want to make it very clear that while ‘giving an impression’ is something, nothing isn’t necessarily anything.

Obviously nothing CAN be and generally IS something. But that’s when used in that ever-present numerical sense -Jane has zero apples OR Jane has nothing. And that “nothing” is not the nothing of total lack of existence, for she still has her life. Like so many words (yes, the WORD nothing is also a thing) nothing has many meanings and uses.

So now we’ve transitioned back to words. Let us dispense with zero, because it never will be nothing in the fullest sense. Don’t get me wrong. I love ‘zero’. But it’s about as non-extant as ‘having nothing to do’. Zero is at best a placeholder and at worst it’s a lack (usually of apples or other fruit).

So lets get to the point of this diatribe, nothing.

The WORD nothing IS SOMETHING. In the vernacular it is used ad infinitum in this finite sense. To fully understand nothing, we need to see beyond the boring concept of an ever-expanding infinity (yawn). We need to see an infinity that never had to start because “it” either already never wasn’t OR wasn’t ever never.

Colloquially it would be appropriate to speak of ‘the big nothing’ as never having existed. And we have no problem with this elementary phrasing. In fact our ever-unchanging web site uses many such literary tricks to get people started thinking about nothing.

Every-so-often we like to break out the ultimate truth about nothing and let people in on what exactly ‘the big nothing’ isn’t even not.

We have always held that nothing (the big nothing, real nothing) has no state, but is not lacking a state. A lack would make nothing something. Nothing is better than that, so we explain further. Nothing is so non-extant but so non-lacking that ‘it’ can’t EVEN not exist. Nothing has no capacity, nothing has no lack, nothing has no ability to have or not have anything. Yet, we have nothing and we are so proud of ‘it’ that we want to share nothing with everyone (for $5).

So now I hope you see clearly that when you were tricked by nothing, you were tricked into enlightenment... or whatever.

Xymyl (KON)

Nothing A Noyhing

2009-03-19T07:13:00.000-07:00

On Mar 19, 2009, at 1:19 AM, david evans wrote:

If you get nothing isn’t that really something or is the something really noyhing?

To which I responded:

If you purchase nothing from us you'll get a manual with "it". So you get nothing AND something. The one thing and the non-thing are not interchangeable, nor does one cancel out the "other". The thing you get is instructions and nothing is self explanatory.

I appreciate how you wrote the word "noyhing" which reminded me of the word annoying, which made me think about how difficult it might be for some to confront the issues presented by us (purveyors of nothing). Especially since we have nothing on which to base our standards for debate. But, people don't generally come to us looking for a debate. I guess what I'm saying is that they come for nothing and they stay for no apparent reason. So I suppose if one doesn't know why they come to us for answers about nothing, then they stick around just to see if we'll say the same jokes about nothing serious, and they feel compelled by inertia (not the inertia of momentum but the inertia of stasis) to just continue to stick around - getting all worked up over nothing - then even to us that might seem a noyhing.

Did you like how I milked that? Didja? It was difficult because you gave me almost nothing to work with.

Xymyl (KON)

Conversation: When is a noun not a noun?

2008-06-03T21:07:00.000-07:00

On Jun 3, 2008, at 5:50 PM, Staticboy44 wrote:

When we speak about nothing we speak about something because nothing is the idea of something. Otherwise, 'nothing' wouldn't be a noun. And if nothing 'is' and noun and can 'be' a noun, then nothing is a 'something'.

To which I replied:

Staticboy,

I agree that an Idea is something, however, it's not quantifiable unless expressed. Even if expressed, an idea generally isn't much. However, that doesn't mean that having an idea or thought about anything that exists or doesn't yet exist makes that thing (real or imagined) any more than what it already was. For example, the idea "rent check" is great, the landlord loves that idea. But the idea is essentially nothing without its extant counterpart. Are you getting this? Things with no force have no ability to bring other things into being, so having an idea about something isn't that same as creating that thing, nor does it mean that the thing that doesn't yet exist always existed. In fact, that idea probably doesn't mean anything.

As for your next statement, I can start out by agreeing that the WORD nothing is usually a noun, and there are many contexts in which the word nothing is properly used to signify a state of being, most of these cases are when nothing is used as a numerical equivalent. Examples would be, "there's nothing left!" or "I will harm nothing among your prize winning otter-skin hat collection". Again, those statements are both numerical so they do not refer to "pure nothing". However when used to refer to "pure nothing" the word nothing can be used as an identifier, but not properly as a noun.

Thanks for your linear and overly simplistic comments regarding nothing.

Xymyl (KON)

Top level communication: Nothing is STILL never what you think or even dream "it" "is". Part II

2008-06-03T00:25:00.000-07:00

On Jun 2, 2008, at 9:02 PM, Cameron Burns wrote:

I am curious, do you make your living with www.nothing.net? I am not saying it is a bad investment, I am just wondering as to why someone with as a good perspective on philosophical Ideas as you have would go about discussing paradox's of nothing on a website. I simply posted multiple posts to get your attention. I did not do in an egoist sort of way, and do not care what kind of negative response i may have. I find your opinions interesting as with your somewhat comic representations of the uses and contradictions in certain phrasing of the word. When I said, "Only in a dream can Nothing be experienced along with anything. As Bue-Bye said: "Ain't no place that there never was."" You're right that I could have just said nothing, but my meaning in saying that is that you cannot experience absence of perception along with Perception in the same "reality" unless you are dreaming. Some would say that that is the goal of meditation, yet all the while meditation leads to an "enlightened" state of mind, and if you have an "enlightened" state of mind then surely you have not rid your mind of all perception. When you are dreaming you are both there, yet you are also completely non present when it comes to your state of mind in a sense that you cannot logically determine what you are doing; Unless You are conscious of the fact you are dreaming, or rather "lucid dreaming". Everything IS meaningless without a revelation of that something. That is why I speak of dreams so much. Dreams are the essence of action through non-action. Dreams unlock the minds ability to express unconditionally. When I said, "Perception is reality and without there is a dream." I meant that without reality there is a dream, and by that I mean a literal dream like while you are asleep, in the accord that reality is waking life and without there is a dream. But that sentence right there is a paradox. If perception is reality then a dream can be just as much of a reality if you are perceiving it, for example, in a lucid dream. I am not obsessed with dreams as you may suggest in your e-mail, but I do want to ask you one thing. Have you ever had a dream, where you realized it was a dream, and then you tried to figure out where you are by doing things you would normally do in your waking life? That quote I wrote at the end of my last E-mail, I saw in a dream where I did just that. I found the sun, and tried to follow it, only it did not look like the sun and I could look at it directly. It led me to a large pyramid with water flowing off the sides. I even drank the water and it tasted just as real as water when you're awake. I climbed to the top and at the top was a gravestone of sort that read, "Bue-Bye: "Ain't no place that there never was."" After reading that I got kind of surprised and woke up suddenly. The next day I went to class and my history professor gave me a very old book of poems after I randomly told him about the dream. In the book he pointed out the same quote by an ancient Chinese man, that my professor had seen previously and remembered because of the curiousness of the saying. By telling you this I am merely suggesting that when we dream, If we take control of our dreams, It is quite possible that one can experience different perceptions of reality. I do not presume to understand it well at all.

To which I responded:

Share and share alike. I'll answer this letter from the bottom up and in a (hopefully) far less verbose manner than my previous response.

You asked, "Have you ever had a dream, where you realized it was a dream..." Yes, all the time...

When I was younger the natural state of my dreams was lucid and the default nature of my waking hours was as if in a dream (or at least accompanied by dreams). Being a chronic insomniac all of my life I learned at a very young age that one MUST dream. If you never sleep, you will still dream, it just happens while you're awake. Learning to cope with real-life situations - active daily life - interacting with my own dreams was a useful skill once I actually did get some sleep. I would trick out my sleepy-time dreams with colors that can't possibly exist in reality and layers of abstraction that are impossible to express with any form of communication. I would rarely change what I personally did in my dreams but I was really a god of my own universe so I would change the world around me, of course I'm not too uppity to admit that I would tend to fly, float, hover and drift a lot in these dreams, and I was almost always omniscient. I know, flying is what all the lucid dream geeks do. Sorry if I've shattered my public image through that statement.

But enough about me and my silly dreams. Let's get back to nothing important...

As for meditation, many believe (as you have mentioned) that unburdening and freeing the mind of all thoughts will bring one to a higher level of consciousness. I believe the enlightenment that is achieved through such a practice is a sort of dumbing down, more of a "lightening" of the mind rather than a "shedding of light" onto or into the mind. If you look at my blog posting from Tuesday May 29th 2007 "Q&A Your first "encounter" with nothing?", you'll see a brief account of the most such an experience can accomplish. ( http://xymyl.blogspot.com/2007/05/q-your-first-encounter-with-nothing.html )

Now that you've explained more of the background behind the story I appreciate your method of interjecting an obscure reference as though it should be common knowledge. I was already thinking, "this reference sounds like a family bedtime story, am I expected to know this?" - but I never suspected that you would be making a direct reference to one of your dreams as one might choose a phrase from a movie (as I overheard a group of young ladies in the 90's doing - "I know of this great blowfish place") as a pseudo inside joke or bonding crutch. I'm fairly certain you didn't expect me to get it, or did you? Was I supposed to say, "Oh yeah, that's a reference to that dream you had!" or write back a cryptic message that only you and I would understand to let you know that I was on your page?

By way of response to your wonderment at my choice of philosophical endeavors, I can only say that nothing means more to me than spending my time on making money or changing the world or just about anything. As for the value of my investment, I think I've done very well. With a non-stop stream - and often overwhelming floods - of traffic to nothing.net I could have sold advertising, made the tee-shirts more prominent, made nothing into more of a gimmick so people could understand "it" as it, and many other things. Yet, I've stuck to my original plan. Nothing, pure and simple (with jokes). And I'm proud to say that after 12 years and millions upon millions of visitors I have been able to consistently lose money on this educational project. Everyone involved with nothing appreciates and strives for that type of success.

And to answer your question, no. Part of the fun about nothing.net is that there is no reason for it to exist yet it does exist and primarily for the purpose of promoting a deeper understanding of what doesn't exist (and yet has a somewhat misleading name). The secondary function of the site is to combine the inherent flaws in (english) language with the natural inclination of the masses to attempt to see beyond the obvious - without establishing logical parameters from which to judge - to make the same joke over and over and over again.

I hope this information helps you understand why nothing is close to my heart.

--Xymyl (KON)

Top level communication: Nothing is never what you think or even dream "it" "is".

2008-06-02T17:14:00.000-07:00

On Jun 2, 2008, at 8:37 AM, Cameron Burns wrote:

Perception of the understanding of something determines IT is something. Perception is reality and without there is a dream. For if you're not perceiving anything, then surely you understand it already. It is impossible to perceive nothing to the affect that Nothing is nothing. If you claim to understand nothing then you are mistaken. Nothing can be used to understand nothing. Only in a dream can Nothing be experienced along with anything. As Bue-Bye said: "Ain't no place that there never was."

To which I replied:

Certainly I would have to generally agree with your first statement, when one understands something or knows something about something that something is almost assuredly something. Understanding nothing would have to be different though wouldn't it? You know, since nothing isn't something. I appreciate how you don't seem to allow understanding to carry any weight on its own, as though perception of the understanding is everything and the understanding is meaningless without a further revelation.

Personally, I don't see perception (or even perception that adds value to neutral understanding) as molding realities. I believe the realities of loss, lack, negation and substance or even abundance will remain inert or constant with the only variations in their states being prompted by the forces that act upon (or interact with) them. It is technically not possible to interact with a true vacuum. As soon as an entity, force or object is introduced into the void it becomes active (or at least populated) to that degree. Of course a forceless void which is impregnated by objects with force from beyond that point will seem to be interacting - sucking the outside world in - however, our theoretical vacuum was really nothing, and all that suckage was really just natures way of balancing everything out.

Your next sentence does not contain enough qualifiers to determine what you're trying to say. If you mean "without perception there is a dream" I'm not sure where you're going with this. If you mean "without reality there is a dream", then I would have to counter that, thoughts, hopes and even dreams exist. This is perceived by the dreamer himself and often conveyed to others as well through conversation when the dream was exceptional or just to fill awkward moments during socialization, dooming those relationships to a slow slide into oblivion. If you meant "without a unified perception/reality fusion there is a dream" I would have to say that this perception/reality to which you refer sounds very much like a dream, where the subconscious mind interacts with all of the data stored during waking hours, allowing us to make connections that would be highly unlikely if we allowed insecurities, prejudices and fears to influence our responses to stimuli as we may be more inclined to while awake.

Your third sentence negates itself. Enough said.

Your fourth sentence is just plain strange, plus, I've covered anything that could possibly be gleaned from it as having value in my previous statements. We're really cruising now!

Your next point is that I am mistaken if I claim to understand nothing. Are you claiming that I have more understanding than I can possibly comprehend? And are you then possibly claiming that I know everything? Because if I don't know everything I must at least know nothing in the general sense of knowing nothing about certain subjects. If you claim that I know everything, then by YOUR definition of nothing I must also know nothing. So which is it? I'm right and you're wrong or you're wrong and I'm right? Don't answer that question, I'll just guess quietly.

You immediately follow that cryptic blurb with a general truism. Nothing can be used to understand nothing, and I would have to agree with you, nothing is certainly not anything that can be used to comprehend nothing and I mean that in both the way you said it and the way I did, but I don't believe I mean what you said in the way you meant it.

And then you lost me at the end, I don't know what your obsession with dreams is all about. As the song "Row Your Boat" says, "life is but a dream" it also says we should row our boats. It says that a lot! People who are obsessed with dreams seem to repeat themselves a lot, when they could have just said nothing.

Thank you for your comments, and where we don't see things eye to eye it is refreshing to know that we still see nothing differently. You in the sense that you think you see it so you don't, me in the sense that I don't see "it" so I do.

--Xymyl (KON)

Top level communication: Nothing from nothing gets eggroll

2008-05-22T06:40:00.000-07:00

On May 22, 2008, at 6:00 AM, Ron wrote what he referred to as his testimonial:

Nothing from nothing gets...... Nothing!

:Ron

To which I replied:

Hi Ron,

After months of not answering anyone, I have come out of nowhere (right now) to reply to this message. I don't have much to say so I'm writing this filler on the front end to build up to what I am about to say. I hope you are still reading this and not just jumping down to the clearly separated portion of this note that contains all of the substance, because that would be cheating and I hate anything more than a cheater, but cheaters are still pretty high on that list of things. That last sentence was difficult for me because I should have written something to the effect of, "I hate nothing worse than a cheater" but I knew you would be showing this around the office and laughing at me while you told everyone, "the king of nothing hates his own kingdom!" You and I would both know full well that you were simply grasping at anything you could find to protect your ever-precious ego, so I used the other sentence that makes less sense and takes more time, but not - I repeat, NOT - the the other sentence that was mentioned only to show that I had perspective, depth & powers of forethought... Oh, looks like my stall-o-meter says I can write the actual response now. You didn't already look did you? As you rightly guessed, I could go on and on...

I'll start again. Ron, that seems a bit long for a testimonial. Are you sure it isn't a manifesto?

Hatemail: I can't get nothing I want!

2008-01-04T21:23:00.000-08:00

On Jan 4, 2008, at 8:03 PM, Derek Finch wrote:

I am genuinely and deeply dissapointed. I was on the web looking for nothing and came across your site and as such I feel this as an intrusion on my right to find nothing if that is what I am searching for. You claim to offer nothing but in fact such a claim is by definition a contradiction. When I search for nothing I expect a blank page with no links, no text, not even any color. Your site, on the other hand, is offensively full of content. I am so upset I have decided not to order anyting from you. If you are unable to deliver I will refer your organisation to the BBB and hope they sue you for every last noncents you have.

DF

To which I responded:

Derek,

I appreciate the disappointment you suffered when you found something about nothing when you were searching for nothing. May I ask though, would you have continued your search forever if you hadn't found this site? Or indeed, would you have stopped searching once you didn't find the nothing.net web site?

I submit that you were looking to start a big fuss over nothing so you thought anyone claiming to offer nothing would be an easy target. I must admit you have quite a pair of "huevos del ganso" to pick a fight with the leading authorities on nothing.

Since you started off trying to find nothing, perhaps you are simply trying to finish what you started. Ideally this would end in nothing. Am I on the right track here? If so, that means that you win if you lose this argument. However, if I let you win you'll lose.

Either of these options is a losing proposition for me, because win or lose you win and lose. Ideally, I would accomplish nothing, yet at the same time I would need to prevent you from accomplishing nothing, not because I wouldn't love for you to have nothing, but because you want me to not give you anything retroactively and it's not polite to try to make people travel through time just to make less things happen to you than would have happened if you weren't out looking for something regarding nothing to cause trouble about. Plus, it's impossible, which makes it all the more rude and disrespectful.

Although my following statements could appear to make me the winner (and thus the loser) of this argument, I must take this tack for a moment. You say that when looking for nothing, "I expect a blank page", yet a blank page is something. My point here is that you really were looking for something, you simply wanted that something to APPEAR to be nothing. Seeing that you browsed the site, you must have realized that no matter how content rich it may appear, we are all about nothing.

Knowing that you knew that you were not serious about anything you wrote in your letter, means that both of us were fully aware that there was no point to your initial letter or this lengthy reply. This means you must have written your letter with full knowledge that I would not reply, thus you felt that you had accomplished nothing by your e-mail complaint. Since I chose to respond, your e-mail did not actually accomplish its intended purpose which was nothing. Yet, my letter (being a totally unnecessary response about nothing) remains totally pointless. This means that while I have accomplished nothing, you haven't.

All that being summed up, the paradox is broken, I win. But in a way don't we all?

--Xymyl (KON)

Top level communication: No Contest!!

2008-01-02T19:20:00.000-08:00

Well, it's that time of year again (for the first time) the time when we pretend that we've always had a nothing essay competition. Wasn't it great last year when it was a tie between all of earth's inhabitants? Or wasn't it even better the year before when everyone thought we were joking and didn't bother to do anything? This year promises to be no better as we expect a very poor turnout. But wouldn't be great if... some number just shy of everyone got involved?

Here are the rules for this years competition:

Write an essay 500 words or less explaining why you ____ nothing.

Blank entries will be accepted, but keep in mind that there will be several blank entries and you will need to find a way to make your blank entry stand out beyond all others. If your blank entry bears a striking resemblance to all others you will receive 1st place. Remember to tell us that your entry is for the essay contest. Also remember to provide your name and address so that we can send you the prize you probably won't get.

All duplicates or ties will receive 1st place.

Awards:

1st place: All first place winners will receive nothing.

2nd place: The second place winner will receive the nothing users manual, except in the case of a tie in which case all second place winners will receive the 1st place prize.

3rd place: The third place winner will get a tee shirt that says nothing on it, except in the case of a tie in which all third place winners will receive the 1st place prize.

Last place: The last place winner will receive all the prizes left unclaimed by the previous winners except in the rare case that there are no ties which would mean that last place gets nothing at all.

Q&A: How many is a shirt?

2008-01-01T12:44:00.000-08:00

On Jan 1, 2008, at 12:54 PM, Josh wrote:

the website makes this a bit unclear, if i pay 20$ for a shirt, do i got 1 of my choice color, or 2, one in each color?

-josh

To which I replied:

Josh,

Thank you for your interest in nothing and tee shirts that promote nothing. When we created this site over 12 years ago, our intention was to make everything clear so that you could see through it to nothing. Now that someone was finally confused about something on our site, we can see that we have failed. If only we could have made nothing clear in the first place so that you would know you had gone too far when you saw anything. But as they say, hindsight is good for nothing. I can understand why you may have been confused about how many shirts you get and what colors they are because we are so focused on nothing that often the details are treated as unimportant. Although we don't apologize for this, we are sorry that we made it clear where you could get answers. Can we meet you halfway on this one and make everything semi-opaque?

The answer to your exciting question is: You get a single shirt in your choice of color (black with black lettering or white with white lettering).

If you have further questions, may I suggest that you ask yourself the question first. If you agree that the question legitimately deserves to be recognized and addressed in this forum, then by all means send it to us. If you think it is silly to ask yourself questions or you find the question to be unintelligible, please do not send it to us.

Sorry if this seems harsh, but this is our standard screening process, and without meaningless rules, obeying meaningless rules would be meaningless. And don't try and tell me it is already meaningless, ask yourself if it's meaningless, and don't answer yourself with another question, follow the rules.

Xymyl (KON)

Top level communication: Nothing Creative

2007-12-31T19:15:00.000-08:00

On Dec 31, 2007, at 2:26 AM, BASHA ONE wrote:

I was forwarded your site from a person who bought one of my NOTHING graffiti art canvases. I like your site and I am especially glad to see nothing. I love nothing and have been painting nothing for a while now. Check me at ebay under "BASHA ART"

Thanks,
BASHA>>>>>>>>

To which I replied:

BASHA,

Thank you for your e-mail regarding nothing interesting. I must mirror your sentiments about nothing and add that I enjoy nothing more than you do. I know this may come as a shock to someone who has painted nothing for so many years, but I have literally only made 3 paintings in the last 8 years. Absolutely all of the remaining time was dedicated to painting nothing. Once you develop that type of will power and strength of vision, you too will understand what it is to paint nothing interesting, nothing unique, nothing original or even nothing important every time you don't paint. With just a little more (or less) effort maybe even while you are painting you'll draw a blank, then perhaps a vortex, then maybe a black hole...

If you thought I was going somewhere with all this you still have a lot to learn about nothing. I looked at your work, and well I must say it seemed a bit agnomenistic (yes, it's a made up word, but you know what I mean) I could tell you really cared about nothing, and by nothing I mean not just the word nothing, but the real meaning of that word as well.

Perhaps we will collaborate one day by not doing anything to all the dead space in all the galleries in the world. It will be the largest installation ever constructed, what will be even more amazing is that it will require no effort. Are you with me? I'm on board, If you say yes then we've already done it. Of course, even if you don't say yes, we've pretty much already done it.

Here's to nothing collaborative!

--Xymyl (KON)

Fanmail: Nothing remains the same

2007-12-17T21:06:00.000-08:00

On Dec 13, 2007, at 3:13 AM, Nishant John wrote:

Change is constant, but nothing will be the same.

To which I replied:

Dear nothing unthusiast,

I appreciate your comments, however, I am expected to refute direct claims made regarding nothing. In this recent note you have given me (at most) very little to work with.

I must point out however, that it could also be said that nothing is constant because there will always be change. I personally don't like to use nothing in this thingesque way but it does have its occasional advantages.

Actually, we appreciated your wording, because you used a single sentence tying the "change" and "nothing" together, then used "but" to show that the one and nothing weren't necessarily two things that were related but could very likely be one thing and nothing with no further relationship beyond the sentence containing them. Very nice indeed!

May we uncourage you to continue to develop your appreciation for nothing specific.

--Xymyl (KON)

Q&A Archive: Where is nothing made?

2007-12-12T07:19:00.000-08:00

On Nov 19, 2007, at 9:44 AM, Per-Niklas Longberg wrote:

Where do you manufacture nothing?

To which I replied:

Per-Niklas,

When we received your question we thought it was a very good question that required detailed lab work to determine the best answer. After more than 20 days in our lab, we were certain that the research team would have a great answer for us. We were somewhat disappointed at the results. The research clearly shows that your question was not a very good question after all.

Nothing is a naturally occurring limited infinite resource. What I mean by this is that we don't need to manufacture nothing because "it" "is" in ready "supply" due to the fact that "it" "is" limited to an infinite state of "being" due mostly to "it's" lack of properties, and partly due to the fact that nothing exists independently of anything. And we mean that in both ways.

So to get straight to the point, we manufacture nothing everywhere, because we don't. I hope this clears things (as they may or may not relate to nothing, which they don't) up.

--Xymyl (KON)

Fanmail: A conversation about nothing

2007-12-11T20:08:00.000-08:00

On Oct 12, 2007, at 8:23 AM, Andrew Sullivan wrote:

Hello, XYMYL. I am completely shocked to have discovered a website related, in every way possible, to a theory that my friend and I developed in our Physics class out of sheer boredom, and have developing for the past month. I would like to hear back from you regarding nothing, and have an (if at all possible) discussion about nothing.

To which I replied:

Hi Andrew,

A conversation about nothing? There is nothing I would enjoy more. I have been very busy lately though, as busy as nothing you have ever seen. But I still make time for nothing, just as I always have.

I'm assuming that this theory of yours is actually the absence of a theory, or the theory that such a theory wouldn't exist. Am I close on that one? I would have a conversation regarding this impossibility or others. Of course, the less said, the better.

Thanks for your interest in nothing.

--Xymyl (KON)

To which On Oct 17, 2007, at 8:14 AM, Andrew Sullivan wrote:

Well, as far as our theory, it's not so much the object of laziness, but an object itself. Nothing is an element. Atomic number 0. It is nowhere on the periodic table of elements, of course, because nothing is not tangible. But nothing is. Nothing is everywhere. Everything is nowhere. If you think about it, nothing makes sense.

To which I replied:

Andrew,

I'm certainly happy to see that you've proved one of my theories false thru your response. My theory was, of course, that you can't learn nothing in school.

I have to say though, that assigning an atomic number to nothing (even if that number is zero, if that is what you propose) could generate even greater confusion. I'll give an example, not only is nothing not an atom, "it" "is" also not light, gravity, or a thing made up of atoms such as a refrigerator. Should we be expected to make a new listing within every category just to point out that there is nothing missing? Indeed, should every refrigerator manufacturer be required to create a ZERO model that doesn't exist? And what about Sub Zero? People might think the products they sell are inverted refrigerators. They may have to re-brand and could (in the process) lose their proverbial shirts, thus having zero shirts.

I think that the fact that nothing isn't in the periodic table or the "chart" as we like to call it, is one of the greatest scientific achievements of all time. Imagine a world where science was so accepting of nothing as a thing. Sucks right? In case you are not convinced, look at our modern dark age of communication. Nothing being categorized as a pronoun or even as a noun is commonplace, and yet, "it" "is" neither. This is the linguistic equivalent of what you propose with nothing being added to the chart.

Imagine a world where science ebbed and flowed with the whims of the masses, as does language. Now imagine nothing. One totally different thing and no thing at all, right?

True science will often use the testable to "scratch the surface" of the intangible, but it will never test the intangible. For example, a vacuum such as the void of space can be interacted with because there are properties to it. Although it may contain nothing in a general sense, it isn't nothing. True nothingness, would never be testable due to the total lack of properties, and the fact that a testing device would introduce something into what once wasn't. Of course, here at nothing.net, we embrace nothing in all "its" forms, but especially in the lack of form.

To conclude... Nothing as a placeholder is. Nothing infinite isn't. Nothing as a joke is. Nothing serious isn't. Nothing real "is" because "it" isn't.

Thank you for your continued interest in nothing scientific.

--Xymyl (KON)

To Which On Oct 24, 2007, at 8:13 AM, Andrew Sullivan wrote:

If a refrigerator company manufactured a refrigerator brand 'zero', it'd have to exist. But by creating a brand 'zero', the company has created a meaning for 'zero'. As false meaning. 'Zero' does not mean 'refrigerator'. 'Zero' means 'Nothing'. The absence of something. Nothing can define Zero. Nothing is indefinite. But, I suppose that outside the reaches of the result of the big bang, is Nothing in its purist form. The element Nothing I'm referring to. It is void of all that is and isn't tangible. The universal absence.

To which I replied:

Hello again Andrew,

Obviously, the brand 'zero' refrigerator would have to exist if it was manufactured. However, a zero model could exist without the corresponding refrigerator having been manufactured. A zero model that does not exist would be analogous to what you proposed regarding the element nothing. I said it wasn't such a hot idea. You seemed to think it was a great idea.

I appreciate that you point out that "zero" does not mean "refrigerator". I would like to add my corresponding claim that zero does not always equal nothing. I must also point out that nothing does not always mean the absence of something.

Zero is functional, zero is an integral part of a modern ten based numerical system. Zero is also highly useful as an intermediate point between positive and negative numbers. Zero can point to a lack or diminishment. And yes, as you rightly point out, zero can even mean nothing.

Although nothing CAN be used in functional in ways similar to zero, nothing is most widely used as no thing. This is not simply an absence of something, but nothing at all, making "it" independent of everything. Since you make a "big bang" reference, I'm assuming that you appreciate the idea of a time when everything was not in existence. I'd like to think that such a time existed, but sadly, a universe without anything would not be possible. And since nothing in the purest "form" would be featureless, "it" could never act or even react. This means that nothing would ever exist. So, clearly that dream could never be reality, and if it could, no one would be around to know.

So, although we may use the word nothing for all of its purposes, we always hold in highest regard, true nothing. Unbounded, unfettered, unfiltered, un-acted upon by anything, and unable to interact with anything. Incapable of propagating a universe or a grain of sand, or even a subatomic particle. I hope this helps you to see even more clearly why nothing amazes me.

Just as zero is the universal placeholder, nothing fills the void in our universe and beyond.

--Xymyl (KON)

Q&A Archive: Personalized nothing?

2007-12-10T15:53:00.000-08:00

On Sat, 24 Apr 1999, Brienne DeJong wrote:

Stupid question, but my kinda adopted little sis wants to know... If I send you $5 and my friends adress, will you send her an empty box, or nothing at all? If it's an empty box, can I send a personal message with it?

Thanks, Brienne

To which I replied:

Actually,

We send nothing, then, several weeks later we send a plain envelope with a small instruction book enclosed.

It explains nothing.

--Xymyl

Fanmail Archive: Got nothing.

2007-12-09T15:47:00.000-08:00

On Fri, 5 Mar 1999 BEIL99 wrote:

I'm really pissed. I order nothing and I got nothing in return. This is the last time I will order nothing from you!! I may even take this nothing order up with the consumer affairs divsion of my local internet provider,who has nothing to say about nothing. From now on I will look forward to getting nothing from you and you will get nothing from me!! , Thanks for nothing

Dear Cunsumer,

To order nothing may mean not to order, or it may mean to pay money and get nothing in return. Since we've never received an order from you I'd have to assume it's the former.

Your interest in our lack of product brings us great pleasure. We are glad that nothing is such an important part of your life as to motivate you write such a spirited letter to us. I do hope, however, you send *actual* money (in the form of a check or money order) towards the purchase of nothing (remember, you not only get nothing but you'll get our instruction book free with every purchase).

Before you order, let me remind you. You get what you pay for.

Thank you.

Xymyl (KON)

Q&A Archive: Email nothing?

2007-12-08T15:42:00.000-08:00

On Tue, 23 Feb 1999 Ellimist45 wrote:

> can you send me back an e-mail with nothing in it? please, and thanks

To which I responded:

no

Fanmail Archive: Peoples Game Player?

2007-12-07T15:33:00.000-08:00

On Tue, 2 Feb 1999, ho goht wrote:

hi, i'm not a prankster who doesn't have anything better to do than do anything, i'm just Mr nothing on a everything world ...by queer coincidence, i happened to click on your web link from webcrawler search cos i searched for nothing....so why am i saying all these..could it be for something,,,i guess not cos i just have this to say to you.....YOU MUST BE A GOOD PEOPLE 'S GAME PLAYER .......i said something but now it's ( ).

To which I responded:

I'm not sure what "A GOOD PEOPLE 'S GAME PLAYER" is but it seems too extreme for someone like me. I like to just sit back and do nothing.

Xymyl (KON)

Q&A Archive: Nothing Y2K Compliant?

2007-12-06T15:21:00.000-08:00

On Thu, 21 Jan 1999, Don wrote:

Hi. I was impressed with nothing at your site. You have, by far, exceeded my expectations with respect to nothing and I felt compelled to comment on nothing at all.

I have been using nothing for years, and until recently, nothing was acceptable. But, I have a question; Is nothing Y2K compliant? Can I get a certified letter stating that nothing is Y2K? On Jan 1, 2000, will nothing function? I depend on nothing for almost everything. My wife thinks about nothing all day. My kids play with nothing, and I make my living getting better and better at nothing each day. (No I don't work for the government - I'm not that good at doing nothing).
I need more. Where can I get next to nothing?

To which I replied:

Don,

I'm glad you were impressed by nothing. Some may say that one who is impressed by nothing is easily impressed. If you know nothing like I do, you understand how difficult it can be to get all worked up over "it".

So, someone who is impressed by nothing is hardly impressed. (That is as opposed to easily (however not opposed as in opposite, just different.)

I'm glad to hear you and your family have been enjoying our products. (I use the term products in the sense far beyond the loosest possible sense, and by such statement mean lack thereof.) Nonetheless I enjoy hearing positive feedback about nothing (it's really difficult to come by these days).

Now on to your Y2K problem.

If you mean nothing at all...

I can not guarantee that nothing will work on (or after) January 1, 2000. In fact, it is my painful obligation to inform you that some things will be working that day. I could go into exhaustive detail... but... actually I don't have the time (so I can't).

If you mean nothing in general...

Yes, you have my guarantee that nothing will function on into eternity. Nothing lasts forever. Nothing will function perfectly, forever. Nothing will have nothing to do with the Y2K problems that will pop up shortly. In fact, on effected systems mission critical data may be lost, systems may fail, programs may halt or have fatal errors.

What does this mean? Nothing. No more errors, blue screens, lockups, shutdowns, disconnects, routeflaps, collisions, fragments, truncations... I could go on and on... but... actually...

Yes, January 1, 2000 is install nothing day! It's not a Y2K problem it's NO/OS extravaganza! A black hole blowout! I could go on and on...

If I only had the time.

Anyway, no, you can't get a certified letter nothing will work because it could be taken to mean that everything will stop.

All I'm saying is something will go wrong ... but never nothing.

Xymyl (KON)

P.S. I take exception to your statement about government workers being good at doing nothing. Yes, there are some government workers who seem to be doing nothing, but how did they get there? That's right, they had to walk to the bus.

Q&A Archive: Expensive Shirts?

2007-12-05T15:11:00.000-08:00

On Mon, 18 Jan 1999, Killboy Powerhead wrote:

> why are your tshirts so fu**ing expensive?

To which I replied:

Because we waste so much time answering e-mail.

--Xymyl

Hatemail Archive: You can't do nothing...

2007-12-04T14:56:00.000-08:00

On Tue, 5 Jan 1999, Jonathan Davis wrote:

i hate to be the one to tell you, but you can't do nothing without dying. if you truly want to do nothing don't breath,suffucate, eat, starve, sleep, stay awake, die, or live.

dumb ass.

To which I replied:

Johnny,

I hate to be the one to tell you this but...

You state, "you can't do nothing without dying" which is a double negative. That could mean either you can do anything without dying, you can do anything while alive, you must do something without dying, you must do something instead of dying, or you can do nothing with dying.

Let's examine these briefly:

1) you can do anything without dying

This statement is incorrect. I could jump off a tall building, tie dynamite to my head and ignite it, get hit by a bus etc...

2) you can do anything while alive

This is also a false statement. I can't go to the sun, or be completely eaten by maggots while alive (I could go on and on).

3) you must do something without dying

This is a lie. Whoever told you this should be shot while skiing. I've heard of people who died while flying or falling. In fact, it seems that you must be doing something if you are going to die.

4) you must do something instead of dying

This also is a total falsehood. I could choose to die, to live and die later on, or even to die while drinking my favorite wine.

5) you can do nothing with dying

This also is not entirely correct. Although you can do nothing while dying, you generally end up doing more than ever before. Many a mans last days are far busier than his earlier days. With trips to the hospital, calling 911, often speaking to the police, getting limbs amputated, I could go on and on... I think you get the idea.

I'm sure there are many more meanings for this sentence. You can be sure whatever they are, they will all prove you wrong (and probably stupid).

Xymyl (KON)

Hatemail Archive: Stupid!

2007-12-03T14:47:00.000-08:00

On Wed, 5 Aug 1998 blueie@webtv.net wrote:

> YOU People are veary stupd

To which I quipped:

That may be but we can spell.

Q&A Archive: For real?

2007-12-02T14:39:00.000-08:00

On Wed, 15 Jul 1998, RON & WILMA OLSON wrote:

> Are you really for REAL?

To which I replied:

No, not really. Wait I take that back... it only costs five dollars U.S.
to find out.

Q&A Archive: Good question!

2007-12-01T14:38:00.000-08:00

On Sat, 11 Jul 1998, kathi ricci wrote:

To which I replied:

Good question.

The answer is as follows:

Q&A Archive: Ignored questions...

2007-11-29T14:32:00.000-08:00

On Thu, 30 Apr 1998, robert spaulding wrote:

Dear Xymyl,
I wrote a check for nothing and felt less than nothing, and by this nothingly, and non-receiving 32 pages of nothing, I increase my nothingness beyond by expectations! noughly vacuumi, robert spaulding

PS are there any openings at your university? something in the sports program?

To which I seem to have somewhat incorrectly responded:

Robert,

If you write a check out for nothing, you will indeed recieve nothing but
also something (that is our 32 page instruction booklet which is
certainly not nothing). It is of course about nothing, that is to say on
the subject of nothing. Of course all this (and nothing) can be yours
only if you actually send us the check you wrote out for nothing.

Often people make the mistake of thinking that a booklet or tee-shirt is
nothing, obviously tee-shirts and instructions are something and not just
anything at all, but (and here's the point) they are tee-shirts and
instructions. There is no way to make 32 pages of nothing... it doesn't
even make sense. Once you have a page you have something.

Nothing is greater than all these things, because nothing exists only in
concept, and to people who think only in concept nothing is real!

"It's" beautiful.

Q&A Archive: The past and future of nothing?

2007-11-28T14:27:00.000-08:00

On Tue, 28 Apr 1998, robert spaulding wrote:

i'm glad to see the universe has a redundancy of ideas as i was talking about a web site like this myself about 6 months ago, great to see that you have nothing up and runing. are you going to issue stock? deep space sub-division of nothing? franchise nothing? passports? cds? cassettes? empty promises? in nothingness, robert spaulding

To which I replied:

The web site is nothing in comparison to the nothing I have nurtured over
the years from not even a speck to even less. If you'd like to learn more
about less and less, or less and less about more (progressively) just buy
our 32 page booklet. If you don't get it then you don't know nothing.

P.S. nothing.net has been alive since 1995.

--Xymyl

Fanmail Archive: Nothing to say...

2007-11-27T14:25:00.000-08:00

On Thu, 9 Apr 1998, Ethereal wrote:

hope nothing happens to ya!

To which I responded:

You're too late somebody just stole my car stereo and cd player.
Of course now I keep nothing in that spot.

--Xymyl

Fanmail Archive: Nothing to say...

2007-11-26T14:21:00.000-08:00

On Mon, 23 Mar 1998, Peggy & Bob wrote:

I have absolutely nothing to say to you.

Peggy S Carlan RN

To which I mused:

I'm not surprised.

--Xymyl

Q&A Archive: What is it?

2007-11-24T14:13:00.000-08:00

On Thu, 19 Feb 1998, Ted Brasky wrote:

hilarious...but what is it?

Hey...
what exactly are you selling? -- please don't say "nothing" because that's why I'm confused.... whatever it is -- be it a joke or an actual business --- it's hilarious!!!

To which I replied:

Thank you for your compliments,

"It" isn't.

I won't say "nothing" because what we're selling is actually nothing. No
cheap imitations, no gimmicks (well, maybe some gimmicks, but
we're not selling any of our gimmicks, we give them away free with each
order of nothing). And we have tee-shirts that say nothing on them which
is something. So, to answer your question, we sell something AND nothing.

Our blatant honesty in advertising seems to confuse some people but we're
sure that it'll catch on (or we don't know nothing, and I think we do).

We hope we'll make money off "it". The great thing is nothing's flexible
and we're sure nothing's going to work for us!

Thanks for your question and always remember, there's something for anyone but nothing's for everyone.

--Xymyl (the king of nothing)

Q&A Archive: What do I get?

2007-11-22T14:07:00.000-08:00

On Thu, 12 Feb 1998, B. Shively wrote:

> Really, if I order nothing, what do I get? And what's in the
> instruction manual.

To which I apparently replied:

You get nothing. and detailed instructions on how "it" can be used to
enrich your (otherwise full and fulfilling) life.

Yes, nothing can be yours, but only if you act now!

Thanks for writing with your question!

Sincerely,

Xymyl (the king of nothing)

Fanmail: If you read it you'll see why I chose not to respond

2007-11-20T20:29:00.000-08:00

On Nov 20, 2007, at 5:02 PM, Travis Kirkwood wrote:

I don't quite get "it". If you truly "believe" in the concept of nothing, or understand "it", then it should be entirely impossible to discuss "it". There is no need to discuss something that is naught, in fact quite ridiculous since I'm sure we all know much about "it" for as you tell us it is basically everywhere at all times. Even in the case where someone is low enough to discuss nothing, (being truly loyal to the concept) all that there is that they are capable of saying to prove so ofcouse is nothing. Incase you are wondering I am not contradicting myself by discussing nothing, I am just pointing out the absurdity in doing so. Nevertheless, when talking about nothing the subject is naught which leaves plenty of time and space to discuss absolutely everything since it fits all-so nicely into the vasteness of nothing. Well... looks like everybody's wrong.

By the way, neglecting what i have said, you have truly made something out of nothing and gotten people involved. That's pretty sweet. And don't say that you have not made something. Otherwise to all this talk of nothing our minds would be void. Thanks for being interesting.

Fanmail: A few that never got replies...

2007-11-10T20:35:00.000-08:00

As you know, I can't reply to everybody who sends an e-mail, but sometimes I like to post a few without replies, just to let everyone know that I care... about nothing. Unjoy!

Wayne said: i have believed in NOTHING since forever its just SOMETHING very dear to me

Adam said: Do you guys have anything, or nothing, to do with this? Check out the link, in actuality, it's a link to nothing, and that's what you'll see for sale there.

Thanks, Adam

Jeff said: Really don’t have nothing to say.

Freddy said: i dont get it :(

Then later he said: i get it hahahahah its freeking hilarious

Still later he said: i love this site seriously and you deserve a hug

gracias ☻

Dave said: nothing,nothing,nothing,nothing,nothing,nothing,nothing

Maria said: hello.

Fanmail: Nothing hurt my stomach

2007-09-18T14:32:00.000-07:00

On Sep 18, 2007, at 12:44 PM, Gina Turano wrote:

you are hilarious and might even consider putting you on my top 10 hero's list.
my stomach hurts just reading your site. too much..hilarious!!!!
Sincerely, Nothing

To which I responded:

Hi Gina,

I think you are somehow misunderstanding us. We take nothing very seriously!

Following much discussion, we have come to the conclusion that you are reading something into what we are barely saying. Clearly, we are saying something, but this is only a means to no end, to get to the point, which isn't. We know that at times there can be confusion as to what we are trying to say when the real fact of the matter is that we are just trying to say nothing, but we choose to take the long way around. We firmly believe that if the journey is its own reward, then the journey that ends in nothing must be at least twice that. Well, we don't FIRMLY believe that, however we do something forcefully vague about, towards or in reference to it. But we do believe in nothing, and that's something. That is to say belief is something, obviously you already know that nothing isn't something. I could go on and on, but I think you get the point.

I, personally, am very excited about the possibility of being included in your heros list, mostly due to the fact that I have never heard of it. Being included in something so vague and unreferenced as the "Gina Turano Heros List" could be one of my greatest achievements, provided you were willing to make a couple of changes. First off, the number "one" kinda makes me itch. Any chance that you could make a top zero list and put me in a footnote as a former honorary runner up for possible membership consideration? That's more my style (or lack thereof). Also, would you mind not typing so loud? Modern keyboards almost type by themselves, and if there is one thing that we are not about here at nothing.net, it's something, and typing loudly is a thing.

Thank you for your kind words, but thank you even more for your interest in nothing. Without people such as yourself - who truly appreciate nothing - everything would seem a little more interesting, and nobody wants that.

P.S. Sorry about the stomach pain, although we take no responsibility for it, we are deeply (possibly to the point of inversion) disappointed that anything at all happened to you while reading our site.

--Xymyl

Fanmail: Nothing for nothing

2007-09-17T16:18:00.000-07:00

On Sep 17, 2007, at 12:50 PM, Larry wrote:

So what you’r saying is if I send you nothing I will still get nothing. Kewl!

I responded thusly:

Hi Larry,

I was shocked to receive your letter. We are not used to being spoken to in this way, even by our (nearly) dear nothing unthusiast core group. But what you say is true, in a sense. So I must address this topic in a way that is not only truthful, heartfelt and sincere, but in a way that is at the same time vague, meaningless and (most importantly) still makes it seem reasonable for people buy nothing from us.

First of all, we never said that you can get nothing without spending money. If you want nothing, you will be expected to pay for "it". If you find that you already have nothing lying around and would like to use "it", then you are probably just noticing our "overflow stock" or "underflow stock" or rather " ", as we prefer to call it. Since the entire universe is within our (redundant overlapping) warehouses, and nothing "is" almost everywhere (although not always in the purest form) your home may be used as one of our storage areas. Be careful, it is commonly found that when nothing is stored in this manner, "it" is highly polluted with anything from dust bunnies to aromatic essences. Although this "nothing" may have nothing in it, there's certainly something more to it. We pride ourselves on not trying to get you the finest quality nothing available, mostly because nothing isn't available in the same sense that any thing would be. Certainly nothing is available from us, but not in the same way a tee-shirt might be. For example, we sell tee-shirts, but we haven't been making tee-shirts lately. So there is a demand, but not really much of a supply. In the case of nothing, there is both an infinite supply and a modest demand, on the other hand, there is no supply at all and a modest demand. The laws of supply and demand indicate that on the one count nothing should be very inexpensive because "it" doesn't do anything, and there is very little demand for "it". On the other count, there is a modest demand and no supply at all, so it should be nearly infinitely expensive. The problem with a product that is infinitely expensive is that it is very difficult to close the sale on it. Now imagine there wasn't even a product. That's the dilemma that confronted our marketeers when they sat down with us at the very large, yet seemingly infinitely small table that we all sit around to talk about nothing. As a side note, you should really see this table, it is like something (or almost nothing) that would be dreamt up by the right halves M.C. Escher's and Salvador Dali's brains if they could somehow have been functionally fused together.

Anyway, you are probably wondering what the outcome of that discussion was. The two prong answer was simple:

#1 "Do Nothing". Live the product. Be the product. Promote the product in everything you do. Since all of these ideas were impossible, we chose to use the concept as a general jumping off point. We really did nothing. Well, not really, but in the sense of not promoting nothing and doing as little as possible, we sorta did nothing.

#2 Nothing costs $5. It was that simple. What is a high enough price that people who think there is an infinite supply of nothing are almost guaranteed not to buy "it"? What is a low enough price that the people who think nothing is anything will believe the price is too good to be true? Well, as you already know, the answer is "Five Bucks".

It turned out to be a huge success, and an almost insignificant failure! Countless millions of viewers later, we still haven't been promoting ourselves or our products (or lack thereof). Sure, we waste our valuable time. But sales are scarce to the point that many think our sole purpose is to spread good will, which makes little sense to me, but I can't argue with the market. Well, actually I can and will argue with the market...

What was the point I was trying to make? Oh, that's right, nothing. Please, buy nothing. If you don't buy "it" you may have it, but you'll never get "it". Or do you need some kind of multi-million dollar ad campaign to convince you that you need to pay for nothing?

Thank you for your interest in nothing. Peace off!

Top level communication: Quest detours

2007-08-11T19:30:00.000-07:00

On Aug 11, 2007, at 8:09 AM, jon dieks wrote:

oh nothing . net how do i thank you it has been many ,many month's since our last e-mail. i wanted to thank you for your encourgement in my quest for nothingness, and as in our last corispodance you told me my journey to nothing has begun. i wondered what you meant about taking nothing seriously and ponderd enormously about it , and then all these signs started pointing my in directions, leading me nowhere, and then i found it! my golden apple, and am now a proud poee of discordia! and now all things make sense and nothing makes sense. in a way nothing did before. so i just wanted to thank you (actually the goddess eris commanded it of me) and as a acting poee of discordianism a declare you

!! (and remember "to eris human"

To which I replied:

Hi Jon,

Thank you for your further comments on a topic that means nothing more to me than it does to you. As for my words of uncouragement, I need clarify my statement before I go any further. I am pretty sure that what I said was, "Your infinite journey has begun." I admire your eagerness, but I have to express that in my arrogant opinion, a few months is a very short turnaround on an infinite journey. In fact, it seems that your journey has ended (give or take) about an eternity too soon.

I already know what you're thinking, so I'll just say it, "Infinity loops back on itself, ergo any exit point on my journey could be considered as the end of an infinite cycle." First, I must applaud you for thinking of such a brilliant wrong argument. If time were circular, that argument would have some merit. With so much talk about space-time we may sometimes forget that time has no spacial properties. Time is something that is measured by its arrival and/or passing. Or to look at it another way, the function a clock performs is keeping track of time. If a clock stops, we do not conclude that time has stopped, or that our work on this planet is done. We simply replace the clock.

I submit that you have been following broken signs leading you to a big bad apple. I think that you simply started in the wrong figurative direction, by pondering enormously about it. (By your use of the word "it" I'm assuming you mean the infinite journey.) You may have done better by thinking about it "at length". Although at first glance, "at length" may seem to be attributing spacial qualities to time, it is merely a way of expressing that one has taken his course through time dealing with or pondering on the matter at hand. Even if we were to view time as a chart we would see a linear progression in this case rather than a circle or a lazy 8.

You also call yourself a POEE of the goddess Eris. By POEE, I can only assume that you mean Powertrain Operations & Engine Engineer. What I'm wondering is what sort of operation is Eris running over there? I knew that the American Auto industry was in the proverbial poo bucket, but now this is all beginning to make sense. Personally, I wouldn't put someone with her track record at the helm of a sinking ship.

I have a tip for you, don't listen to commands from an apple tossin' banshee. It tends to cause trouble, and as we all know, trouble isn't nothing.

I wish you well on your CONTINUING journey. As for your e-mail, great use of negative space and a wickedly bad pun, really, really bad. Freud has been referenced many times as saying that the pun is the lowest form of wit. But Freud would have said anything to get a peek inside the pants of your mind. If indeed Freud did say this, he could have at least delivered it as a pun. Low is almost nothing.

Thank you for your continued interest in nothing.

--Xymyl

Comments: Nothing is wrong with nothing

2007-08-10T20:46:00.000-07:00

On Aug 10, 2007, at 3:14 PM, BF wrote:

Hello Xymyl:
I have been enjoying very little about your blog. I hesitate to say "nothing" about it, but there is something about your nothingness you may have overlooked. That "is" this: Nothingness has "it's" flaws. "It's" flaws are an unnecessary apostrophe at the least. "Its" is a word which is possessive without adding an apostrophe. So the unneeded punctuation adds something to an otherwise quite clean and featureless nothingness. Please ignore any typos of my own, as they must be construed as nothing of importance. Have a day!
Your whatever,
B. French

To which I responded:

Hi BF,

Glad to see that you are unjoying the blog. Thank you too for your con-structive comments. However, I take exception to the idea that there is anything to my nothingness.

Actually, I can't remember the original reason that I started doing that (by "that", I mean "it's"). Although it probably had something to do with the fact that pure nothing, the REAL nothing, the "best" nothing, isn't. Thus, when referring to nothing "it" isn't a pronoun (which is also why it's in quotes). I believe that the original thought was along the lines that "it" was going to be separated from its "s" by an apostrophe as a way of further defining that the possessive form was merely a literary tool and not in any way an indication that "it" was anything.

Since I have noticed over the years that this device has not necessarily cleared up the issue, I have often thought of changing my "it's"'s. But a coping device I can use is to pretend that having the point obscured means that nothing (nothing being the general comprehension of nothing as a concept) makes sense, thus everything (everything being the literal devices required to explain nothing) makes sense. Any intelligent person can see that this is a feeble way of reasoning, but it seems to be working anyway. Besides, I can't go back to 1995 and edit those old e-mails up to the present day. So, I have mostly chosen to stick with it. It, of course, being my use of "it's"'s.

None of us should take this here mutt language of English too seriously. We should embrace its flaws and capitalize on them, of course. But we should also feel free to make up new words as needed, and change spellings to fit road signs rather than changing the sign width or font size. Put some florp in your snazzle, because your lingo won't have any flavor if it ain't got juice. People may come here for the grammar, but they stay for no good reason.

Thanks for your general disinterest in nothing. Please keep up the good work.

--Xymyl (KON)

Comments: Nothing inspirational

2007-08-05T07:40:00.000-07:00

Okay, I don't usually post my replies to blank e-mails. So by posting this, I am not suggesting that I will start posting responses to all the blank e-mails I receive. This particular e-mail had a subtle confidence to it that unspired me. Obviously, anyone else who sends similar blank e-mails will be acknowledged as well. So without further ado, the letter and my response...

On Aug 5, 2007, at 7:12 AM, allan godshall wrote:

To which I replied:

Thanks for the uncouragement. Your e-mail said "it" all. Just the boost I needed to keep doing nothing all the live-long day. Sometimes nothing seems a vain pursuit, or even a poorly thought out business, but then someone like you comes along and put's everything into perspective. Or do I mean out of perspective? Doesn't really matter. The fact is that you've given me a renewed sense of lack of purpose. I'm going to get back off that horse and try and find a blank space to lie in and just... dwell on the past.

Thanks. I can tell that you really know nothing, and that is a gift to treasure (treasure meaning to put aside or lock away).

--Xymyl (KON)

Fanmail: Nothing for emphasis

2007-08-04T19:20:00.000-07:00

On Aug 4, 2007, at 5:51 PM, Caroline and Annalee wrote:

nothing nothing nothing
nothing nothing nothing
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nothing nothing nothing
nothing nothing nothing
nothing nothing nothing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?

To which I responded:

Thanks for the great work!

And you know what 324 times nothing is right? That's right, it's nothing. You almost made something out of it with the triumphant addition of 39 exclamation marks. But you packaged it up neatly with a question mark to save the day. You are to be commended for your poignant use of repetition and punctuation to emphasize nothing. Of course I had to take the time to count them all. It's the least I could do for someone who was willing to do all this for nothing. You score extra points for for your excellent time sponging skills. Keep "it" up.

Q&A Should nothing concern me?

2007-07-22T19:35:00.000-07:00

On Jul 22, 2007, at 6:56 PM, No one wrote:

To whom it may not concern,

None of this isn't making sense. Should I be concerned ?

Thanks for "Nothing" , No one.

To which I replied:

Dear No one,

You present a very good and bad question. The answer is clearly, yes and no. Yes, you should be concerned, because nothing should be clear. Apparently nothing isn't clear to you because (to reword your statement), "every little bit of this is making sense". The operative word here is "this". "This" is not nothing. "This" is something. Notwithstanding, "this" is still nothing to be concerned about. So, no, you shouldn't be concerned. Unless you were referring to nothing when you said "this", in which case you should be very concerned. If, however, you were simply referring to nothing as a general concept and thus indicating the existence of that concept when you said "this", don't worry. "This" (in that context) is barely anything. And certainly nothing to worry about. Of course, I don't expect that you will be so pedantic as to worry about "that" (my most recent use of the word nothing) just because of that last sentence.

Thank you for your interest in nothing and your desire to learn whether or not you should be concerned about nothing. I hope this helps.

A Nothing Wholesaler?

2007-07-10T11:57:00.000-07:00

On Jul 5, 2007, at 2:50 PM, Kurt G. wrote:

I know how tiring it is to collect all that Nothing which is why I may be of assistance. I am a Nothing aficionado and an avid collector. I get my Nothing from many different settings to observe if the some-thing that was tainting it at the source has an influence on the Nothing after it is removed. My favorite collecting grounds are deep in caves and desolate mountain peaks. It seems to me that the greater lengths (or depths) you go to locate a specific specimen makes it more pure and noteworthy. Holes located underneath rocks is one of my favorite wellsprings for Nothing. Distilling Nothing from a something is of course more difficult and involved but the rewards are much sweeter and vapid. So if you need help in lifting the burden of obtaining all that Nothing, I'm your man. With over 10 years in the pursuit of Nothing, adept at successful capturing and cataloguing of Nothing as well as the distillation of its essence, I can guarantee that the Nothing you provide to your customers will be of the purest grade possible. You of all people realize that the saying "Nothing is free" is a lie and will understand my need for direct compensation. One fifth of your retail price per shipment could possibly cover my expenses. Good news for you is that my methods of Nothing containment allow for expansion when you repackage (in a sterile environment I hope!) so that one shipment from me could supply several of your retail packages. Intrigued and available,

Kurt Gindling

To which I replied:

Kurt,

We appreciate your offer to collect nothing for us, but we regret to inform you that you have actually been relocating catalogued nothing within our warehouses. We must insist that you return nothing to where "it" was (or was not) found. We have had to delay shipment to many nothing unthusiasts who have had nothing on "lay away" in or near caves, under seashells and in other hard to reach locations such as holes beneath rocks and the collective consciousness of the public. You have made it very difficult, and sometimes impossible to locate nothing to send to our patrons. I know, we make nothing look easy, but sometimes nothing isn't as easy as "it" seems. Especially when well-meaning folks such as yourself are just making nothing more difficult for us.

We appreciate that you love nothing enough to travel to the ends of the earth in search of the most vacuous nothing imaginable, but we have nothing catalogued by inversion, pun, hyperbole, general figure of speech, compound pun, thought experiment, and many other concepts. But most and least of all, we have pure nothing 100% fat free with barely any gimmicks actually being used in "it's" purveyance.

Your packaging methods seem a bit suspect. I hope you haven't been ruining nothing by packaging "it" compressed. We generally ship nothing near a package rather than in one. Part of the reason for this is that it is almost impossible to get everything out of the package, some people are likely to complain if there is dust or hair in the shipment. "Hair in nothing? That's a dust bunny." some have said, we don't want to repeat that fiasco. In case you may be familiar with this incident, the parties involved have been sacked.

I am however, quite interested in your "essence of nothing" idea. What do you actually put in "it" to give "it" an essence? I am fascinated, please inform.

Thank you for your "no can do" attitude. We may need your assistance in helping us track down a very volatile order of nothing puns that really are not funny yet are quite beloved. If you see them, there should be a box next to them containing a lead lined vacuum flask, a roll of yttrium-barium-copper oxide tape, a pressurized tank of liquid nitrogen, oven mitts, a hydrogen powered rocket and directions to the "event horizon" of the nearest black hole. There may also be a device resembling a standard aviation gyroscope, please don't touch that. If you see these items, please contact us and we'll negotiate safe transfer. Be warned, the puns will severely damage your credibility if used improperly, that is to say, if they are uttered.

Thanks again, please continue your search for nothing, but let us know the next time you change nothing around.

--Xymyl

Fanmail: Not quite new to nothing...

2007-07-10T09:52:00.000-07:00

On Jul 9, 2007, at 11:12 PM, Bryan L. wrote:

I can now say I've been at nothing for a while. In my case this would probably mean more than just a while, though, when you consider the nothing that came before this website.

Great site! I can honestly think of nothing else to say. =:)

Bryan L.

To which I replied:

Bryan,

I'm not sure what you mean by most of what you said in your e-mail. However, I do hope you meant nothing by it. You truly seem to appreciate nothing. But some who act like they love nothing are really hiding something. I don't think this is the case with you, but just to be sure, I'd like to find out nothing else you have to say. I only ask this because you did say "else". So you can understand why I need to be sure.

You started out saying something - kind words about nothing and the nothing.net website. This is forgivable. Indeed, we need to forgive ourselves every day as part our daily generalized therapeutic negation. Not that we live monastic lives of self denial, but we strive for the nullific existence of nonacceptance. This, of course can not only be achieved, but it can also not quite be achieved. But the unreachable goal we often seek is "it's" own reward.

As I drink unfiltered air from a brick, I am reminded that this - like many things - is unlikely, but nothing really is possible.

Thank you for your pure, true and hopeful interest in nothing.

I've got nothing...

2007-07-07T06:43:00.000-07:00

Even though I haven't been talking about nothing as much as I usually do, the people are still speaking. Here are a couple of comments regarding nothing.net. I'm not sure if the second one was meant to mean something or not. I chose to believe that it has no meaning.

On Jul 6, 2007, at 6:24 PM, No body wrote:

After reading this site, I absolutely understood nothing!

On Jul 6, 2007, at 8:30 AM, mark cryer wrote:

since nowhere means not any ware and everything must exist somewhere then surely only nothing can exist in the middle of no ware!

Sorry about something...

2007-07-02T08:16:00.000-07:00

I'd like to thank everyone for their nothing centric e-mails. I haven’t had a chance to reply or post for a little while. I am even more ashamed to say that something was keeping me from doing anything about nothing with this blog. I am further distressed about what I am preparing to say. I might be an artist. I’ve been hiding these tendencies for many years, and now I think it is time I showed the world what my secret life has been like.

Xymyl Gallery

We can still do nothing together, “it” will just seem a little different for a while.

Q&A What about hand written order forms?

2007-06-20T07:10:00.000-07:00

On Jun 19, 2007, at 11:36 PM, Jay wrote:

HI! I'd like a T that says nothing, and nothing says nothing like black. Black is NOTHING ,while white implies light, wich is SOMETHING. I can't find a black shirt on Amazon. Should I use your order form? I don't have a printer ( printer = nothing ). Can I send you a reasonable hand-drawn order-form for a black T with "nothing" on it? I mean "nothing" on the T, NOT THE ORDER FORM! lol. I've worked for an architect for ten years, and my lettering is quite good, so you wouldn't have to worry about sloppy writing. I've got $20 burning a hole in my pocket ( or maybe in my cyberspace account, and who knows where it goes if it burns through that? ;)

So, what do you think? Can I send you a hand written order-form, or do you only accept printed forms?

There is nothing to thank you for, so thanks for NOTHING!
In Nothing-ness; Jay

To which I replied:

Hi Jay,

Yes, you may hand draw the form. And we would never worry about sloppy writing! In fact, you get extra points for a sloppier form that will waste our time. But it still needs to be decipherable. Write an essay if you wish, and cleverly embed your request into the handmade document, so that the entire note must be read to be understood. We might even throw in nothing extra to show our appreciation. Of course, most people seem to assume this anyway. There's really no way to know. The ambiguous nature of our rewards system is the key to you not knowing whether you're a satisfied customer or not. And nothing gives us greater satisfaction than being able to assume our customers are satisfied. But when you buy something (like shirts) from us, you're not only supporting nothing, you're getting something about nothing in return.

All of our outstanding nothing unthusiasts have some sort of memorial constructed in their honor and placed beneath our conference table, or near a nuclear facility, or a lead box or another appropriate location. These are often found quickly and destroyed by the cleaners, but some have lasted for several months. The cleaners will be sacked if monument bunnies start to form. Do they think we are paying them for nothing?!?! Sorry, I just got a little carried away there. We pay them to leave nothing behind.

As for your comment about money burning a hole in your pocket, I'm not one to take things too literally, and your description seems to support the metaphorical nature of your statement. Indeed, the fact that you could type your request and include such details, speaks to the symbolism of your remarks. However, even a metaphorical hole in one's figurative pocket, or the "pocket" one's cyberspace account, carries great meaning to all who know nothing. This is because holes can suggest a sort of gateway to nothing. And nothing is more beautiful than viewing nothing through a hole in the fabric of reality.

Thank you, Jay, for your interest in nothing (and a shirt).

--Xymyl (KON)

Q&A Why are we asking about nothing?

2007-06-13T12:43:00.000-07:00

On Jun 13, 2007, at 2:53 AM, Aryeh Lewis wrote:

Alright, now here's a question!! If nothing is a "no-brainer" as you mentioned earlier....... then why the hell are we all turning to YOU for the answers to nothing!

FYI "no reason" will not be tolerated as an answer, because then you would have to explain why you fooled us with this great web site. And if the answer to that is still no reason, then I am forced to return to my original opinion, which was that you really ought to be sued!!!! :O

To which I responded:

I believe you are referring to when I said, "Whether or not you know anything, knowing nothing should be a "no brainer"."

You seem to have ignored the "should be" in this sentence. I stand by that statement. What is more, to many people knowing nothing is a "no brainer". Knowing that you (yes you) must have some knowledge, I would assume that knowing why you (yes you as an individual) ask questions regarding nothing would be a "no brainer", in the sense that you would have an easy time figuring out why you are asking me questions about nothing.

So I must put it to you, since "no reason" will not be tolerated as an answer and you are the only one who can know why you ask me questions about nothing, the burden of presentation lies squarely in your court. Why do you ask me questions about nothing?

I hope you can think of a good answer, because it seems to me that you will commence legal proceedings toot sweet, if the answer is unsatisfactory.

I would like to give you some advice homonymous (or even more precisely, homophonic) with your own stated fear of my response. If you would like to understand why you seek my advice, I urge you to know reason.

Perhaps, you know exactly why you keep asking questions about nothing. In fact, you said in a recent e-mail, "Your whole email truly helped me with nothing! I thank you! :)" If you were simply looking for help with nothing, that certainly seems like no reason to me.

--Xymyl (KON)

Information Desk: Confused about nothing?

2007-06-05T08:57:00.000-07:00

Many people thank me for nothing, in the sense that they appreciate that I have taught them nothing, in the sense that they understand proper usage of the word “nothing” so they can properly express nothing to others.

Nothing they wish to express may be an absolute, relative, or amorphous quality of something, or it may truly be nothing. It is often better if it is a new way of twisting the word nothing with the meanings of that word or the lack of meaning that has been tagged with that word. Better still is when the humor and logic of the statement is only implied, so that to the uninitiated it appears meaningless, when in reality the message is nothing short of pure infotainment to those in the know.

I am both pleased and disturbed by fans who believe that I invented nothing. Yes, I am the King Of Nothing. Even this descriptor is nothing made up by me, but I use it because it is true. Yes, I’ll say it again, the word “nothing” was not created by me but I use it to communicate nothing to the world. Even though this word has vast imperfections - chief amongst them being that it is something, a word - it is still the best darn word to use to let people know what you are referring to isn’t something.

Nothing (the word) has a very redeeming (or negating, depending on your conversational thrust) quality. That is its inherent humor. Nothing is ever good for a laugh, in the sense that the word nothing is always good for a laugh.

I have always had a way with nothing, even no way, anyway, I always have known nothing. Even while learning things (and stuff) I never lost sight of the void of my desires. In civics class my job aptitude test came out to a wash. I was not interested in anything. The teacher thought I was just randomly answering, but I did it exactly as he said. He was mad, but that’s because he didn’t know nothing.

I have heard or used every play on the word nothing, I have used some of them way too many times, but there is a certain negation achieved by repetition that both/neither enhances and/nor detracts from nothing.

Being in the game for the long haul, one needs to be adaptable and willing to make sacrifices. If everyone who knows nothing suddenly decided never to repeat themselves, there would be nothing to say. The delight all nothing unthusiasts would enjoy would be short lived, for the negation achieved would bear scrutiny, and thus conversation. This conversation may or may not be about nothing in the sense that it is or isn’t about anything important or unimportant or in the sense that it isn’t or is about something at all, but it would hardly compare to the relative nothingness that once was a conversation and now has become a parody of that conversation.

We enjoy all of the ways nothing can be expressed in these excitingly relativistic ways. Yet, we know that nothing real really isn’t anything at all. That’s what make’s “it” all the more or less special. “It” isn’t, and we admire nothing about that.

Q&A Are you missing nothing?

2007-05-29T22:45:00.000-07:00

On May 29, 2007, at 4:26 PM, adam watson wrote:

Have you guys had nothing go missing from the warehouses? The reason I ask is because I bought a container at the new IKEA here in Draper, Utah, and when I got home and opened it up, I was surprised to find nothing in it. It said nothing on the packaging about the container having nothing in it, so I think it may have been a mistake. I know you had to recently expand your warehouses to store the infinite supply of nothing, are you keeping nothing at an IKEA warehouse too?
I wanted to keep nothing that I found in the container, but I had to use the container to store things in, so there wasn't room for nothing anymore. The nothing I found is probably in the living room somewhere, once you remove nothing from the container, it's hard to keep track of. If you need me to send you nothing since I didn' t actually pay for it, just let me know, it'll help if you could describe nothing so I'll know that you did really lose nothing.
Thanks
A.W.

To which I responded:

Another good question. Since we have redundant overlapping warehouses encompassing the entire universe, then we by default get a little bit of everything in them as well. Actually, our warehouses contain everything, but we try to downplay that because when you think about the vastness of the wide open space in the universe, everything is like a pile of dust somebody forgot to sweep up.

But, unfortunately, IKEA is part of "everything" so, yes, it is in one or more of our warehouses.

Don't be surprised that somebody shoved nothing in your container because we keep nothing anywhere. In fact, nothing is in atoms, in between molecules, pretty much anywhere you can't put anything, you'll find nothing.

As for your offer to send us nothing back, you can keep "it", they obviously don't know how to handle their inventory at IKEA. Stick it to the man!

Q&A Your first "encounter" with nothing?

2007-05-29T22:29:00.000-07:00

On May 29, 2007, at 4:17 PM, adam watson wrote:

Quick question,
In an earlier blog, you spoke of a reoccurring dream that you had as a child in the which you found yourself in a brown mesh tube (I'm paraphrasing) and you reached out and found nothing. Was this your first encounter with nothing, or had you found nothing before either in consciousness or unconsciousness?

Thanks,
Amateur Psychiatrist
A.W.

To which I replied:

Very good question. In unconsciousness and non-existence I found nothing for all eternity prior to my conception (which I don't like to think about). My first encounter with nothing in conscious memory was (when I regained consciousness) following an extended period of staring in the direction of the wall and seeing only the purest brightest white. It wasn't white, but that is the only way to describe it as anything. It didn't take long to realize that the best way to describe "it" was not to describe "it" as anything at all, because there was really no vision, thought or reality in my comprehension until the moment had passed.

I still don't know how it happened, and I never tried to re-create the circumstances that brought my thoughts to nothing that day. As for infinity and nothing, they are opposite sides of neither a coin nor the space that coin may have once occupied. And being that I always thought of life in infinite terms until that day (being frustrated by my eternal non-existence prior to the chance meeting of two gametes which heralded my emergence as a viable entity on the world scene), this knowledge of nothing new made the comprehension of my eternal nothingness prior to my eternal existence (in some form) with an as-yet undefined term of intellect punctuating my two eternities somehow more tolerable.

--Xymyl (KON)

Q&A Can you really know nothing and something?

2007-05-29T21:42:00.000-07:00

On May 28, 2007, at 10:37 PM, Aryeh Lewis wrote:

My dear sir, I am as confused as a pig with no mud to roll in... as a cat with no litter... I am....... well I'm just confused.

I just don't understand how "it" is possible .... I mean.... you can't know nothing... and a whole lot of "general concepts" at the same time can you?? : l

To which I replied:

Now I feel like an inversely starving nothing burger patron who was just asked, "would you like something to go with that?"

I find myself wishing that you had said you were as confused as someone with nothing. But you didn't say that at all. Because that wouldn't be confusing at all. And yet you believe that knowing nothing and being reasonably well informed are mutually exclusive. I know nothing, not in the sense that I don't know anything, but in the sense that I comprehend the reality of non-existence, the ultimate void, the theoretical lack of contents in the hypothetical vacuum flask inside a lead box stationed between two black holes. Whether or not you get it, you should get "it". It's easy because "it" isn't. Whether or not you know anything, knowing nothing should be a "no brainer".

So, yes, to know anything, you should probably also know nothing. You may start by knowing nothing in the sense that you don't know anything. After learning all you possibly can, you might pause to consider the fact that nothing exists independently of anything in the sense that "it" doesn't. Your understanding of this concept (the reality of nothing) is something. If comprehending nothing is something then it is clearly not a contradiction to know nothing and things. This, of course, does not make nothing a thing, just the understanding or conceptualizing of nothing would be considered a thing.

I know that I didn't need to write such a wordy reply to explain this point, but I get the impression that with you "more is less". Here's to hoping something I wrote in this letter will help you with nothing.

--Xymyl (KON)

Fanmail: nothing is better than porn

2007-05-29T21:37:00.000-07:00

On May 20, 2007, at 1:42 AM, adam watson wrote:

Hello, I was doing nothing tonight on the Internet and to avoid the temptation to look up naughty stuff, I decided to Google nothing instead. I was very pleased with what I found, which was nothing. I was pleasantly surprised. Many people have told me "Nothing is more important than a college education" so I don't put as much effort into my school as I put into doing nothing. I'm bilingual so I can also do nada, which helps out when there's nothing else to do. Nothing is too difficult for really determined people who try as hard as they can, but for me it nothing is simple. If you break it down, in essence it's just "not" and "hing" and since nobody know what "hing" is and nothing is simply the lack of "hing" then nothing could be more clear. I must say thanks, thanks for nothing, if I happen to get some money maybe I'll order nothing from you guys. Nothing would make me happier, at least I think nothing would.

a.w.

P.S. I know you guys are truly dedicated to nothing, but I was wondering if you had tried anything? Just curious. Thanks.

To which I responded:

Adam,

Thank you for using nothing in a positive way. Using nothing to avoid internet naughtiness and outmoded educational constructs is highly commendable. We certainly agree with your stand. I think that more young people should stand up and proudly say that nothing is far better than dirty pictures on the internet.

As for the schooling, if they are really teaching you nothing, it can't be all bad.

I like your explanation of nothing, not because it is makes sense, but because it takes the "thing" out of nothing.

You asked whether we have ever tried anything. No, we have not tried anything in the sense that we have not just randomly tried ANYthing. We have tried things and usually have done quite well. We certainly are not anti-thing, but I know sometimes our pro-nothing stance pumps us up to the point that we speak out against things. Of course, some things suck. These things are terrible and nothing is always better than anything like that.

We have at times had associates who tried a little bit of everything. We disagreed with this carefree lifestyle because it left little time for nothing, plus, these people were mostly disease rich and hygiene poor. Needless to say, we often found ourselves saying phrases such as, "what IS that thing?" or "could you do something about that smell?" or another phrase that indicated that some thing needed to be done to protect us. And we're not about always having to take everything into our own hands.

I think you are on the right track. You seem to have a very balanced view toward everything. Most importantly, you have your priorities in the right order, with nothing fighting for the top ten places.

--Xymyl (KON)

Q&A Possible for nothing to embrace other concepts?

2007-05-25T15:00:00.000-07:00

On May 17, 2007, at 4:38 AM, Nicholas wrote:

Would you consider expanding nothing into not here? That way nothing could be considered no where and make nothing a bit more elusive for the non-initiated seeker of nothing knowledge. Not to mention the economic boom such an expansion could bring.

If you should adopt my very detailed nowhere plan I would have to charge my normal consultation fee based upon a sliding scale of zero increments. I expect that the cost for this endeavor should fall between zero and nothing dollars.

Yours truly,
Nicholas Parrella

To which I responded:

Nicholas,

Thanks for the suggestion, and we appreciate your desire to obscure nothing from the comprehension of the general public but we are all about education. We WANT people to know nothing, we don't want to confuse them. Okay, we want to confuse some of them, but we certainly don't want to confuse all of them or ourselves. This idea of yours is so confusing that if we tried to somehow incorporate it with nothing as part of our campaign, it may negate the quality of nothing in the sense that it may assign a value to nothing thus making it seem to be the opposite of something in a very literal way, thus making education about nothing pretty much pointless.

I fail to see how this idea of yours, while intriguing, could have a positive economic impact.

So, I regret to inform you that we will not be incorporating your nothing/not here fusion scheme. We will, however, respect your fee scale as we understand(?) it and pay you zero dollars for your time. Expect a check.

Please keep up your interest in nothing, and try not to thwart the others who want to know nothing too.

--Xymyl (KON)

Q&A Confused yet?

2007-05-25T09:05:00.000-07:00

On May 25, 2007, at 4:21 AM, Dead Psycho wrote:

for nothing to really exist you need something, else there would be nothing to call nothing. so if in the absence of something you have nothing then you must really have something to call nothing.

confused yet?

let me continue just to clarify.

say i had something (i don't know what because i haven't thought of that yet, nothing came to mind). and i lost it. would i really have nothing instead. or would i have the absence of something which is actually something itself which you could call nothing, but as nothing is actually something nothing really exists.
have fun.

all the best
Dead psycho

To which I replied:

Hi Dead Psycho, thanks for your comments.

I made a valiant attempt to be confused by your assertion that nothing requires something in order to exist. Unfortunately I was unable to find any way to become confused by your platform for debate, leaving me no choice but to totally own you. Of course the ownership of which I speak is merely metaphorical and will hopefully not have any bearing on aspects of your life beyond the scope of this rebuttal.

First of all, you tear down your entire argument in your initial statement which says, "for nothing to really exist you need something, else there would be nothing to call nothing."

As for the existence of nothing, we have held firmly to the fact that nothing exists in the sense that "it" doesn't. Yes, there are many other uses of the *word* nothing (which is something), which have to do with something, but that doesn't make nothing something. It is true that there must be something (intelligent life) to comprehend nothing, but comprehension is far from necessary for nothing to exist.

As for the lack of something leaving us nothing to call nothing, we have already established that the lack of something would really leave us nobody to call nothing nothing, or nothing to call nothing nothing. Which I might point out shows (even with your own flawed logic) that nothing would still exist in the absence of something. However, this is really the only place (this issue of perception) in which your case holds some small merit. You seem to believe that people must comprehend and label nothing in order for "it" to exist. Yes, in order for people to comprehend nothing there must be 1) People, and 2) something to use as a label to draw a line between the concepts of nothing and anything. But this idea is based on the assumption that perception changes a thing or indeed changes nothing.

There are documented cases where perception changes nothing but only in the sense that it does not change anything except the person who has developed the perception. Certainly, nothing (the real nothing that exists in the sense that "it" doesn't) has not been changed in the slightest by perception. Although it is true to say that at times something has been changed by perception, this doesn't tie it to my previous statement because something and nothing are not necessarily related, as you might expect due to the fact that they are not usually opposites and certainly not mutually exclusive. Something may be able to displace nothing (this is a point of great debate), nothing may be able to replace something (this is also hotly debated), but nothing cannot negate something in any equation. See my "Volley Nothing" blog posting on February 3rd 2007 for further details. http://xymyl.blogspot.com/2007/02/q-volley-nothing.html for more information regarding acceptable use of nothing as an opposite of something.

This idea that one thing or indeed nothing needs something to bring it (or "it") into existence is a just a rip off of the old chicken and egg argument. I will reiterate that the word nothing required something or someone to coin that word, but that word is unnecessary if nothing exists in the sense that everything doesn't. As for the chicken or the egg argument, "Which came first, the chicken or the egg?" I had an answer for that simple argument when I was an 8 year old chicken farmer. The birds that are today called chickens were derived primarily from Red Jungle Fowl and at times interbred with other fowl. The fact that selective breeding has been used to develop the various strains of chickens that exist throughout the world means that there was a point of divergence from it's ancestral form at which it began to be called "chicken". This chicken would have arrived via the egg which was produced from parents that were closer to the original characteristics of the main progenitors. Being that the resultant chicken would be markedly different from its parents and would arrive via the egg, we have to conclude that the egg came first because that first chicken had parents that were either Red Jungle Fowl or an intermediate form. Sorry for the wordiness, just wanted to make it clear.

As for your question regarding the absence of something, yes, you could say that you have the absence of something, which would be a true opposite of something and thus is also something. To say you have nothing when you lose something is more of a figure of speech than a literal statement, but it can be appropriate to use such a term if all or almost all of the specific category of something to which you were referring had been mislaid.

Of course, nothing isn't.

--Xymyl (KON)

Fanmail: Hypocrisy expert?

2007-05-24T22:30:00.000-07:00

On May 24, 2007, at 4:23 PM, Aryeh Lewis wrote:

I've been reading your blog for quite some time now, ever since you called me a maniac for laughing manically (naturally... because that kind of caused me to laugh manically once again).

Anyways, I just would like to let you know that I have, as of today, come to the final conclusion that your entire company ought to be sued for the biggest load of hypocrisy I've ever seen!!!

I mean... you're not actually an expert in nothing! You're an expert in making people laugh hysterically, and double antangeras, and heck! You could even run for president with your languistic skills! You're not a nothing expert at ALL! You're in fact, an expert on so many somethings that I must say... you really deserve to be put in prison for stealing all that money from all those fools who believed you to actually know nothing!

That said, I think I'ld like to order nothing and a book about "it." :)

To which I replied:

Thank you for your kind words and your insults.

Yes, it would appear that I am no expert on nothing because it often appears that I do indeed know everything. I want to point out that I do not know everything. I have a good grasp of many general concepts and I am awesome. But this doesn't make me an expert on everything, just awesome, that's all.

Just because I happen to know something and be awesome doesn't preclude my ability to know nothing. In fact, nothing is actually enhanced by my knowledge and awesomeness, because how could "it" be?

I hope that this clears up the confusion you had regarding my non-expert status. But I hope that the restoration of my credibility in your eyes does not dissuade you from buying nothing from me.

Thanks again.
--Xymyl (KON)

Q&A Much ado about Matrix Reloaded...

2007-05-23T10:23:00.000-07:00

On May 18, 2007, at 8:20 PM, Richard wrote:

Dear Sir,

I just watched the Matrix Reloaded, and it occured to me that it is nothing.

Nothing was said. Nothing occurred. Often characters (if there were
any) acted, and those actions changed nothing and meant nothing. For
Neo, who was nothing, nothing seemed to be able to stop him from his
relentless pursuit of nothing. It was great the way he saved Trinity
in the end so that together they could do nothing.

I really empathised with the characters. They seemed to feel nothing
and when I watched the film I felt nothing too.

My question is: what exactly was being 'reloaded' if the result was
nothing? If nothing squared equals nothing, that is indisputable
evidance for something.

Any thoughts?

Cheers,

Richard

To which I replied:

Richard,

Thank you for your thoughtful dissection of Matrix Reloaded. Your willingness to wait four years to watch the movie or to write this e-mail and hold onto it for up to four years before sending it to us shows that you have the potential to really sit around doing nothing professionally one day. No hurry.

The answer to your question is that there were many things being reloaded, 1) the same effects from the original film were "reloaded", 2) the same theatre goers were "reloaded" into theaters to watch the movie, 3) many of the same actors were "reloaded" to make the whole reloading process that much more visceral, 3) the same story lines were also "reloaded" so that it was almost like the same movie was just reloaded into the can. Naturally, all of this reloading resulted in a certain negation akin to white noise and as such would be commonly characterized by a metaphorical "nothing" which is an appropriate topic for this forum.

As for your statement about nothing squared equalling nothing, I'm not quite sure where you are trying to take that. But no, that is not evidence for something (well, it could be evidence of math wasting everyones valuable time, but that can be proved in many other ways). But we also don't need any evidence for something besides its existence. Sometimes, even that seems excessive.

--Xymyl (KON)

Q&A Where's my shirt?

2007-05-10T23:12:00.000-07:00

On May 9, 2007, at 11:52 AM, Steve H. wrote:

I mailed you a check for $20 for a black, size large, nothing T-shirt and I have not received it. I mailed the check in mid-April. Could you please let me know if you received the check and when i can expect to get my T-Shirt? Thanks

To which I replied:

Hi Steve,

We got your check and we will send out your shirt as promised. As our site says, 4 to 8 weeks to delivery.

We know that is a long time to wait for a shirt, but we have enjoyed spending the last few weeks hanging out with your check. That's right, we haven't even brought it to the bank yet, the extra time we take to cash your check or send your shirt is our way of saying thank you for your purchase.

Remember, we think nothing is more important than a satisfied customer, and we were doing nothing important at the time we got your check.

In all seriousness, we have been considering running our operation like a real business, actually making money, processing orders at greater speed, etc, we even put tee shirts up for sale on Amazon. Sure you pay a little more, but then we send your tee-shirt within two days. Perhaps one day we will just be another big corporation that wastes peoples time at random without caring. In many ways that would be very cool. But for now we are still just thinking about you and staring at your check. It is a very nice check with what appears to be a simple herringbone pattern, but on closer inspection you can see that the pattern isn't connected but then you start to think that the pattern... I'm sorry, I'm deliberately stalling for time.

We'll send that right out to you.... well, give us just a couple more days.

Xymyl (KON)

To which Steve responded:

Hey, thanks for nothing! Well, for the time being at least. I am encouraged by your thoughtful note however and will look forward to receiving nothing from you real soon. In the meantime you may continue to gaze longingly at the herringbone pattern on my check. However you will find it even more rewarding if you cash it. Of course that would constitute my giving you something in return for nothing. Aside from a good laugh and a T-shirt.

Best regards,
Steve H.

Fanmail: A warning...

2007-05-10T23:09:00.000-07:00

On May 10, 2007, at 5:25 PM, Bane93@aol.com wrote:

www.something.com
it threatens your entire existence be careful

signed,
Noman

To which I replied:

Hi Noman,

Thanks for the heads up!

We aren't too worried though, as we have been barraged by anything and everything for all eternity. And as far as that goes, something doesn't necessarily threaten our existence as much as it threatens us WITH existence. We already know that we exist. We know that even we are something, some might even go so far as to say that to them we are everything. We remain extant in spite of something, anything and everything with a stated purpose. That purpose, of course, isn't.

Thank you for your outstanding efforts to protect nothing important from something insignificant!

--Xymyl (KON)

Q&A Many questions about nothing

2007-05-10T23:04:00.000-07:00

On May 4, 2007, at 10:43 PM, Sean Craft wrote a letter with many questions. These questions have been placed into this blog in an easy to read question and answer format. Enjoy:

X: Hello Sean, Thank you for your interest in nothing. We are always eager to help meager young minds to comprehend nothing. We have taken our time to pore over your questions and feel that we have adequately answered them. If you feel that we have not answered them in a satisfactory way then we suggest that you go do something with yourself.

SC: I'm just wondering, You wouldn't happen to have any empty spaces for nobodies, who normally would be doing nothing, but really need nothing else to do, would you?

X: Yes and no.

SC: Is nothing really nothing or could it be something more than nothing as some philosophers have thought?

X: Yes and no.

SC: Is it hard to package nothing?

X: Yes and no.

SC: Sorry for all the questions, but I really have nothing else to be doing at the moment.

X: Oh, that's alright. We love to talk about nothing. Answering your questions has really been a joy for me personally as it has brought back many memories of my childhood. Treasured moments from the past, which I will cherish forever, mostly dreams, but still great times. One in particular was when I was floating in a void of space, then slowly lowered down a dark brown mesh tube. All I could see were my hands reaching out in front of me feeling for anything, but nothing was there. The dream seemed to be on a perpetual loop. It started with an infinite memory of the dream repeating, as though the dream had always been happening to me even before my existence. Eventually the dream just ended, apparently before it had ever began.

SC: What are your beliefs on who it was or how nothing was created?

X: None.

SC: I can imagine that nothing could deter you from pursuing your studies of nothing, but if something could, deter you from nothing, what would that something be?

X: First of all, nothing couldn't even stop us from studying nothing. But if anything could, it would be teaching others about nothing.

SC: I trust you will divulge nothing of our conversations to noone else unless they have nothing to do with nothing.

X: If you mean that you hope I'll post this on the blog, yes, I will.

SC: Nothing is a hard topic to study is it not?

X: Yes and no.

SC: Once more, I'm sorry for being so inquisitive as to the value, study, and pursuit of nothing.

X: Once again I must remind you that we enjoy sharing our knowledge about nothing. Do not be ashamed of your interest in nothing, or for your need of assistance with nothing. Although the first three questions were very difficult to answer, I felt it was worth the extra effort to give you an in-depth generalization. That's why I didn't try very hard to answer them. On the other hand, those same questions were very simple and straightforward. Being that they were so easy to answer made me pause and really ruminate on them until I came up with the same exact answer I already had.

Thank you again.

--Xymyl (KON)

Fanmail: A graduation

2007-04-16T08:13:00.000-07:00

For several weeks a fan named Sea Bass has been writing us e-mails explaining how he has nothing to say. We had faith that he would one day really have nothing to say and today our dreams came true because....

On Apr 16, 2007, at 7:52 AM, Sea Bass finally wrote:

And I responded:

Sea Bass,

Thank you for your lack of words, finally, you really do have nothing to say! We have been waiting for this moment since your first e-mail on march 20th. We consider this your graduation. We will be carving your name on a piece of rice and throwing it beneath our conference table, we guarantee that it will remain on display for a minimum of two days.

Congratulations!

Xymyl (KON)

Fanmail: Tear duct tribute to nothing...

2007-04-16T08:01:00.000-07:00

On Apr 15, 2007, at 9:59 PM, Nicole Davis wrote:

I have nothing to do. Now because of this site, I know nothing makes sense, and I wish more people would strive for nothing and finally we will all realize that we have nothing to worry about.

Thank you for nothing. I llaughed unntil the tears ran from my face annd then I had nothing left.

I have nithing else to say.

N. Davis
A fan of nothing
Nicole,

To which I replied:

My heart skipped a beat when I read your letter which was posted all around the office and even incorporated into our greeting cards. Thank you for getting my heart to shut up for a moment. That moment of silence helped me to see nothing slightly more clearly than nearly ever before. Actually it did nothing for me, but I say that to people way too often.

I'm very glad to see that you have nothing to do and that nothing finally makes sense to you. I'm sorry that you are worrying about nothing though. Although that is our intention with certain people we certainly don't want everyone to worry about nothing. So we will tell you what a disturbed fan recently told us, "if you say nothing, I'm gonna kill you!! haha". For us, the most frightening part of the threat was the maniacal laughter they typed in. Hopefully, this will strike you with terror as well, so you can stop worrying about nothing and get on with your life.

Thank you for emptying your tear ducts as a tribute to nothing. We will erect a small shrine the size of a dust particle in your honor, which will be swept around the office for a minimum of two weeks.

Thank you for your heart pausing interest in nothing.

Xymyl (KON)

Q&A No lack of nothing...

2007-04-16T06:21:00.000-07:00

On Apr 10, 2007, at 6:04 AM, Aryeh Lewis wrote:

but... but... but there's no lack of nothing!!
What's so special about the nothing we get when we sign your order forms?

(if you say nothing, I'm gonna KILL you!! haha)

To which I responded:

I would say nothing, but you claim that I will be killed for that simple, correct answer. So I will say another simple and true answer. When we sell nothing you get the instructions. We make no claims that this is an exhaustive resource, but it certainly gets you thinking about nothing and how easy it is to make nothing a major part of your daily life. It includes sections about safety, nothing to do, nothing to say, nothing to eat, nothing to wear, troubleshooting, and even information on how to install the NO/OS.

As for your comment about there being no lack of nothing, I must submit that there is also no surplus of nothing. If you want to get all technical about it there is also no supply of nothing. But we have recently expanded our warehouses to cover infinite space. That means that now all of our warehouses overlap, thus creating the most redundant access to nothing imaginable. When someone buys nothing, they don't want to buy nothing from the guy on the corner who doesn't know nothing, who doesn't have access to the largest empty warehouses in or out of the universe, who can't explain what nothing isn't, or how "it" does or doesn't work. They want nothing to be reliable and predictable. They want to know that they are dealing with the one distribution house that has been authorized to distribute nothing universally. They want to know that nothing they buy is no gimmick, but that "it" really isn't something, everything or anything. There is only one place to get nothing like that, right here.

As for your question in an earlier e-mail question regarding how many e-mails we get each day, we get a different amount of e-mail each day. Often times there are far too many to answer, but other times there are too few to answer. I have to admit that nothing is not as popular as "it" once was. We have had millions of viewers over the years, but people seem to like to see change, so they eventually stop coming. If nothing was going to be about anything (which "it" isn't) "it" would be about not changing anything. Still, we get several hundred unique visitors a day, which is nothing to sneeze at. I don't understand that phrase, but it had the word nothing in it so I decided to use it.

Thank you for your interest in nothing and e-mail.

Xymyl (KON)

Q&A Can we really order shirts? Answered again...

2007-04-11T23:46:00.000-07:00

On Apr 11, 2007, at 12:12 PM, Tom McLeod wrote:

if I order a nothing T-Shirt will I really get one? I don't want to waste money.

To which I responded:

Yes, you'll get a shirt! In fact, to prove they are real we have them available on Amazon now. Just follow this link: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B000PCOB6C

There are just a few available right now, but here at nothing.net we like to see how close to "0" we can get. As soon as we run out there will be more available.

Thanks for your interest in nothing (and shirts).

Xymyl (KON)

Q&A Can we really order shirts?

2007-03-31T21:17:00.000-07:00

On Mar 29, 2007, at 9:58 AM, Mike Kust wrote:

Is ordering that t-shirt thing real? Just a question. If not it should that would be AWESOME

To which I responded:

Yes, you can order a tee-shirt by printing, filling out and mailing our easy to use insecure store form. In just a few days we will start selling our tee-shirts and a few other select nothing related items on Amazon. We know that the true nothing loyalists appreciate the irony that can be achieved by ordering nothing (or in fact anything) with our gloriously outdated means of transacting. But we also appreciate that it is so cheap to do e-business these days that we can no longer pretend that our budget does not allow for a little online shopping.

We are proud to do all of this for nothing, but there is nothing wrong with getting a little something back.

Xymyl (KON)

Q&A Religion punishing nothing doers...

2007-03-31T21:14:00.000-07:00

On Mar 31, 2007, at 12:52 AM, john cash wrote:

i think in most popular religions theres a possibility of getting punished for doing nothing
but no possibility of getting rewarded doing nothing , am i right?

To which I replied:

Although I cannot claim to be an expert on all the worlds religions, I am the worlds foremost expert on nothing. As such, I would have to say that while there is some possibility of being punished for doing nothing, I think it is much more likely that you would be simply thought little of. Certainly, many religions of various origins would frown upon doing nothing to save someone who was drowning, or doing nothing to help a person in great need.

In these instances, It is a simple matter of knowing that something is right and then not doing it.

However, if someone is offered an opportunity to assist in a bank robbery and they decide to sit on the beach watching people drown, that would be a bit of a toss-up for the majority of religions out there.

You are right about one thing, most religions (as well as most other organizations one might join) would not reward doing nothing. Many, for the simple fact that there is rarely any way of knowing that someone was doing nothing, so even the organizations that would love to reward the doing of nothing have to settle for rewarding the people who do less bad stuff. That isn't so bad for all of us who just love to spend a day doing nothing, because doing nothing is its own reward.

Nothing is more important to me right now than making sure this issue is fully explained to you, so I hope what I already said is good enough.

Xymyl (KON) Stating the obvious and signing out.

Fanmail: nobody helps me with nothing

2007-03-25T10:11:00.000-07:00

On Mar 24, 2007, at 11:00 PM, jon dieks wrote:

well thank you again for a swift response to my e-mail but once again i found myself sadend by your response and relised i was was going nowhere with all this. but since i was going nowhere i figured i might as well talk to no one about this. no one said" i should talk to nobody about nothing". i decided that might be a good idea so i asked nobody about nothing. and nobody said " nothing is possible" and that sparked my hope(because i was starting to get depressed about the whole situation). so i inquired as to how . nobody told me to close my eyes and think of nothing, then open them. and guess what!!!!!!!! NOTHING HAPPEND!!!! so nobody said to me that even though i may be something or somebody. that nothing always happens. that i should be thankful for nothing. so i will thank nobody for nothing. and thank you for nothing. i sure hope you haven't cornerd the market on nothing. as i like to get in on this action of nothing. i thought about burning stuff and building my electro magnetic magnet but relized it takes a whole lot of something to get nothing. so well i may still dream of nothing,hope for nothing ,or want nothing, i've relised that i am getting nothing out of life. which makes me so happy(nothing excites me). but as i end this i've noticed that for someone who has a website about nothing you sure know alot about something.

To which I responded:

I am glad you were able to find nobody to help you with nothing. And what wasn't said by anyone was also said by you, and it is true. When we are willing to listen to nobody then nothing is possible. I am positively (yes positively) thrilled that no one was able to restore your hope in nothing. And even though this may seem to slightly contradict the facts (and lack thereof) that I have shared with you in previous correspondences, I must say, your story is nothing if not a success.

As for your desire to embark on a nothing venture, we do have what is referred to as a nonopoly on nothing. This means that we have the exclusive right to sell nothing. You may wonder how this could be, and ask, "Isn't everything regulated by the world governments?" Of course, as you mouth these words you will be struck by the fact that nothing isn't regulated by the world governments in some way or another. This means that we stand alone as the one entity with control over nothing. Yes, we are the only group with full authority over nothing. We plan to keep it that way. But this doesn't mean that nothing can't be yours, just that "it" isn't.

As for knowing a lot about something, we have to, we are surrounded by it. But to us something isn't a hinderance, it is simply an obstacle to be overcome to get back to "the cold dead void" of nothing, where we feel most comfortable. We feel less and less and/or more and more significant with each piece of trivia we accidentally learn while educating the world about nothing. Since the blessing is thus a curse and the curse a blessing, the knowledge we take in often times achieves its own negation due to the knowledge (or lack thereof) that is imparted as a product of its use.

People sometimes say that we take nothing seriously. I would say to everyone that nothing should be taken too seriously, way too seriously. And can nothing really be taken too seriously? No. But why not try?

Thank you for your thanks for nothing. Your infinite journey has begun.

--Xymyl (KON)

Fanmail: still determined to be nothing

2007-03-23T07:15:00.000-07:00

On Mar 22, 2007, at 5:08 PM, jon dieks wrote:

although relativley dismayed at the prospect of never being nothing.as in my e-mail wanting to be nothing.i but i've found a new hope. it all relates to my consciousness as the expression " i think there for i am" so even if my physical self cannot in effect become nothing but ash molicules atoms or energy if i lost the abillity to be conscious i would not know i was ash molicules atoms energy protons nucleons or any other ions or eons i would ineffect be come nothing. because i wouldn't be able to think of something. and as we all know notyhing is perfect. so one glorious day nothing may be mine.

To which I responded:

I'm also deeply saddened at the thought that you cannot be nothing. If you were nothing I could sell you for 5 dollars.

I can see that you are very driven to succeed at nothing, especially at becoming nothing. You remind me of nobody specific. I remember distinctly talking to him about something, and he got mad, I had to say nothing louder than I had ever yelled before to explain to him that I was kidding. But I'll tell you this, If you have even none of the dedication he had to nothing, you won't get far. And I don't need to tell you that that's not saying much.

The phrase you are referring to, "I think, therefore I am" is a truncated form of a phrase less popular (but nonetheless popularized) by René Descartes, "I doubt, therefore I think, therefore I am". Indeed, the shortened and long versions of this phrase are not truly negated by their inversion. And the subject "I" exists, at least as forensic evidence. On the shorty tip, the inverse of our famous phrase of discussion would perhaps be "I think not, therefore I am not" or "I think not, therefore I am nothing" or perhaps "I do not think, therefore I am nothing" this interpretation is easily put to rest when we realize that trees, rocks, and even earthworms, "think not" and yet "are". Also, if "I think not" was used as it often is, as a statement of doubt, then the philosophical crux of your gist would have been overridden by itself, being that "I think not, therefore I am" is almost identical in meaning to our original source phrase. Of course, you know that I could go on and on, but suffice it to say that fulfilling the broader meaning of a phrase during an attempt at its nullification is not going to accomplish nothing. Certainly, the existence of the subject "I" proves being. He could have just said, "I". That would have been good enough for me.

It is interesting to note that not all of René D's thoughts were completely abolished at his demise. He had apparently wanted to be "am" for as long as possible, so he had the faith that if he wrote down his doubts and other whimsical musings, they would be preserved for us so that in a sense he would still be with us, to impart doubts about the very things he believed in. Of course, in a very real sense, he's dead. But give him props 'cause dude's still am'n it old school!

If you find a way to doubt after your own death then you will have still earned your pi meson (sized) shrine as promised. Of course Descartes was also a math addict, he was all about precise convolution. In a very real way the guy was "all up in everything's business" and I most certainly mean that in a way, but he wasted peoples time, and he's still doing it every day at school even though he's long gone.

To summarize, no thought does equal nothing in relation to thought itself, but if those thoughts are preserved in, oh I don't know, perhaps an e-mail, then in a sense those thoughts still exist. So you are speaking of an existence devoid of future thought. Many people who are still alive and going through their daily activities never come up with even 1 original thought. They live each day as though nothing has happened to them. And that's not far away from the truth.

I have faith in you, the same type of faith as a man who doubts. I believe in your ability to create an electromagnet so powerful that you will be able to destroy all the data on every computer in the world that may contain any record of your existence and/or the existence of your thoughts. I believe in your ability to burn down your house so thoroughly that not a minute trace of your existence will be left at that location. I believe that you can find every copy of your social security number that you've ever put on a medical form or given to an employer or prospective employer and pour kerosene on them and ignite them without once being noticed. I believe you can track down and destroy every school you ever went to. I believe you can expunge your FBI files. Clearly I could go on and on, suffice it to say, I believe you can get rid of every shred of information that says you exist, and when this is accomplished, I believe you will send me an e-mail telling me you did it. The irony will be worth it, because all of that would have been for nothing.

--Xymyl KON)

Giving nothing loyalists something back...

2007-03-19T11:19:00.000-07:00

Following are a few notes from this years ∞ anniversary of nothing. These are all taken from the kudos and hoorays section.

Here at nothing.net we get a lot of fan mail and numerous questions from our loyal readers. We know they are loyal, because only people of extreme loyalty would actually keep up with a site that rarely ever changes, then never changes much at that.

We appreciate nothing (just slightly) more than loyalty. Even though it is loyalty to nothing, that might as well be loyalty to us, and often it is.

So in honor of the loyalty you show, here is a little dedication to the many nothing loyalists who leave the e-mail subject lines blank, and just sign a name at the bottom of a blank document: Nothing is better than someone who makes us believe that they know nothing, except someone who keeps us guessing.

Now we will honor the nothing loyalists who leave both subject and e-mail body blank with no name included: Kudos!

Now we will honor the nothing loyalists who start sending an e-mail and then stop before sending it, as well as the ones who never have sent us an e-mail: Nice!

Now we will honor the people who constantly steal our ideas: Jackasses!

Now we will pay tribute to those who pay us for nothing: Thank You!

Finally, we honor our selves, without whom nothing would be possible but nobody would know:

Thank you for joining us today for this happy occasion.

Q&A Are memories nothing?

2007-03-14T11:20:00.000-07:00

On Mar 14, 2007, at 9:43 AM, Rachel Madigin wrote:

WOW!
that really is "something".
you people really amaze me i mean really i have always believed that nothing is nothing, and that is that. i read some of the blogs like "chrissy", the talkers of nothing, the university students, and the charles dowd. it really amazes me that so many people need such a large explanation about nothing. it is nothing really what is there to understand?

my only question is are memories nothing? i ask this because after we die all we really are to people are memories and pictures right? so after we die are we nothing or are we something?

thanks
-Rachel
-14 years old

To which I had no choice but to reply:

You too are a fake, a fake supporter of nothing, and a fake fan of nothing. Or else you are on drugs, which is a great way to make your life amount to nothing, but it will never make you become nothing. I can tell real amazement when I see it. My whole life I have been surrounded by amazed, stunned awestruck and bewildered fans. A person who was truly amazed by nothing would never start with a line about something or even "something" whatever that is supposed to be.

You say you read the blog post regarding "Talking about nothing", there was nothing in that e-mail to indicate that they didn't know nothing. My response was one of appreciation for the undorsement they provided.

You say you are amazed that so many need such a "large" explanation about nothing. Then you say it. You, being so well verse in the "ways" of nothing will clearly see your mistake as if there is nothing to obstruct your view of reality.

You would like to know if memories are nothing? Of course memories are something! It's called provenance. It is a great way to sell nothing from the past, even better with a photo. The sales pitch could contain something (yes something) like, "I remember doing nothing that hot summer day, here is a photo, if you buy now, the photos and memories are free".

Your "only" question is all the more irritating because you pretend to have more than a rudimentary knowledge of nothing and even go so far as to poke fun at real nothing enthusiasts. In the future, please remember to bundle yourself in with the people like psycho-robo-spambot girl and others of her ilk.

As for the part of your question dealing with what we are to others after death, what doesn't that have to do with anything? Do you really think that opinions can change anything about nothing?

As for the question of what are we after death, you could have just read a little further and found that out, this is already clearly explained in abundant detail in the 2/18/07 post entitled "Fanmail: want to be nothing".

So there you have it, some more information about nothing.

-Xymyl
-Timeless

Little Girls, Robots and Nothing

2007-03-13T13:57:00.001-07:00

On Mar 13, 2007, at 11:27 AM, a psychotic child or amazing super robot calling itself Christyn Michelle Garber wrote:

Hello, my name is Chrissy. I am 12 years old and i have visited your website numerous times. I have read everything you wrote about nothing and I believe in it too. I have written numerous reports on nothing even before I discovered your web page. I have skipped two grades for my writing and math abilities and am now in the eighth grade. Your page has helped me understand the property of zero in math and has improved my writing ability on account of my writing has been published in a few magazines for about seven issues. I would like to get to know you better so i can listen to some of your reasoning on why nothing is better than something. Please reply; if you cannot I will understand. Thank You, Chrissy

To which I did not e-mail a reply as follows:

Chrissy, when we here at nothing.net were 12 we were not interested in 12 year old girls, and now at more than 3 times that age, we still haven’t been swayed by their ignorant charms or their similarities to fuzzy logic spambots.

If you are a real little girl “Chrissy” then I apologize for being the one who has to tell you that you are belching out spam around the globe. Perhaps the only way they could get their artificial intelligence to work is by strapping the computer to a little girl. I’m not saying that all little girls are stupid, but many of them are like you Chrissy, they go around collecting e-mail addresses from boys who have their own websites, then won’t stop spamming them and writing their names on their schoolbooks. You are already two grades ahead of yourself, and the boys in your grade are presumably 2 years older than you. Isn’t it time you left the world of spam? It is now so very childish and beneath you!!

You couldn’t possibly have read everything I’ve written about nothing because most of my writings about nothing have never been made public. You say you believe in it too, not believe in “it” too. This shows that no matter what you say you’ve learned, you have not learned nothing from reading the nothing.net website.

You say you have written numerous reports on nothing before looking at the site, and that your writing has been improved “on account of my writing has been published...” you realize that doesn’t make any sense in the context of your letter, right? I hope you also realize that you are a very poor writer and should be ashamed rather than proud of having your writing available to the public.

You state that nothing.net has helped you understand the mathematical property of zero. Why should we care about that? Zero sucks! Zero is a sad excuse for nothing most of the time, and when zero is nothing, nothing is a better descriptor. Zero can have properties, yes, we get IT, but we don’t want zero coming around here with all its stale sticky properties. Don’t act like we promote zero, if anything, we would like to demote zero, that’s it.

I can’t continue to reply to this letter as though there is a real person on the other end, you are a sick stale zero of a robo-little girl. Whoever programmed you is a loser, a big fat zero. Next time, if you can’t be programmed to say anything worthwhile, just say nothing.

Please don’t bother to reply, because you nothing to us.

We all hate you Chrissy.

Talking about nothing, a good start!

2007-03-09T16:00:00.000-08:00

On Mar 9, 2007, at 5:58 AM, Jean LaClair wrote:

We were talking about nothing and realized that nothing does nothing better than the nothing website!

To which I replied:

Thank you for your (dis?)passionate undorsement! We are at the gateway to a new era of understanding wherein everyone will appreciate nothing for "what" "it" truly "is", at least that's how it will be if I have nothing to do with it.

I'm glad you have been talking about nothing, but remember, talk is cheap. When you're ready to get involved, that's when you see how little you can accomplish! Maybe you'll be one of the few who can look back honestly at all their hard work with a sense of pride and satisfaction, knowing that it all amounts to nothing. That feeling is something* no one can take away from you. Even if people could take it away they don't even want to. I have that feeling every day, and so far, nobody has even made an indifferent attempt to take it away from me.

*Something: I was going to explain this term in a footnote, but something could be anything. It is really vague when you think about it, just forget about this footnote. Sorry.

Q&A Big nothing on campus

2007-03-09T14:28:00.000-08:00

On Mar 5, 2007, at 4:54 PM, Two Student LEAD Activities Coordinators wrote:

Hello.

We are the Activities Coordinators from Chapman University in Orange California. We stumbled upon your website and have become intrigued, fascinated, and just flat out entertained really, by NOTHING. We are intersted in doing a presentation on nothing. Would you be willing to come onto our campus to help us promote nothing.

Thanks for nothing!

To which I eventually got around to responding:

Dear Student LEAD Activities Coordinators from Chapman University,

You may have already guessed that my response to your request would come off as shallow and trite and that it would be full of now clichéd witticisms about nothing. Well, as you may by now have second-guessed, nothing could be further from the truth. I suppose you are still reeling to have found that the sentence just prior to this was stated without the slightest irony intended. I would venture a guess that you are very disappointed about nothing, in the sense that nothing of note seems to be happening in this little e-memo. I would like to reassure/disappoint you further by stating that nothing by which you are now saddened is exactly as it seems.

Now I will present my concerns:

I am concerned that your long titles (which seem to include acronyms as well) might detract from the purpose (or lack thereof) of such a presentation. I too have a acronymous title (KON), but it is not placed within another title like yours is. If you could somehow convince me that your titles are meaningless or somehow logically negated by their own existence then that would certainly clear up a major obstacle to my physical arrival at your campus to assist you with nothing. Alternately could you just acronym the whole deal in one of the following ways, by either beginning with current acronym and then creating a second acronym after that (LEAD SAC) or just shoving it all together as an acronym in the current order (SLEADAC)?

I would hate to arrive at your campus only to find that you don't know nothing. Can you prove that our combined efforts would result in a unified message (or lack thereof)? What type of presentation did you have in mind?

Finally, everything costs money. You would logically then assume that nothing (being no thing) would be exempt from any charges. Here is where I could say something to pseudo-cleverly twist the meanings of words and pretend that I had logically made it perfectly sensible to purchase nothing or to pay me for assistance with nothing. There is no reason to do such a thing because you already see that nothing is truly invaluable and my guidance on matters which may or may not pertain to anything is of inestimable worth. It is understandable then that doing my taxes is nothing short of traumatic. In other words, you don't expect me to do nothing to help you for free, do you?

Notice that I didn't say "do nothing to help you for nothing"? That would just cause confusion.

Thank you for your interest in nothing. It is truly an exciting time for nothing now that almost everything sucks. I hope I can assist you in your goals (or lack thereof) and encourage as many as possible to accomplish nothing with their lives. Some young people, being optimistic and innocent, think they can't do it. But I KNOW they can't. If they just have someone who believes in them, there's nothing they can't accomplish or whatever.

--Xymyl (KON)

Don't start complaining...

2007-02-28T22:25:00.000-08:00

Please don't complain to us for not posting anything on this blog. We're just doing our job, which is nothing. TCNB baby.

Q&A Is a website something, what's nothing?

2007-02-22T09:10:00.000-08:00

On Feb 21, 2007, at 11:53 PM, Charlie Dowd wrote:

OK, if you guys are all about nothing, 1.)Why do you have a website that is "something" and it sells "something? 2.)Nothing is something isn't it?

To which I replied:

It is true what you say regarding our commitment to nothing. We are virtually devoted to nothing and want others to appreciate nothing as much as we do.

As for your first question, I'll have to answer that in two parts.

1a: I will agree with you that a website is something, but it is the least (thing) of almost any other advertising medium. Even Word-of-mouth must come from a discernible location or the benefits of using that medium are void. When you think about it, a web site requires no specific location, it is nowhere to be found, and yet it is everywhere. Obviously, it must reside on a server somewhere but the space it takes up is minimal. If you look at our site specifically, it escapes almost all criteria for even being tangible (by dictionary definition). That's why so many people ask us questions that are already explained in detail on our site. To summarize and illustrate, the site is something, but it is about nothing. You wouldn't write to car manufacturer and ask them, "If you are all about cars, why do you advertise on television and in magazines?" You know they wouldn't do all their advertising on their cars because people don't usually read cars, you can't fit a car in their pocket, and you can't demonstrate a car at any random occasion in someone's home unless it fits on a TV screen, computer screen, or is on the page next to what you are reading, again, not on a car but in, on, or displayed by something that is more appropriate for distribution.

1b: We sell tee-shirts (which is currently the only thing we sell) for much the same reasons as mentioned above, It is a great advertising tool. People can read them when you walk around wearing them. They cost us nothing in the long run because people buy them from us, thus paying our (shirt) advertising costs. This would make it about as good an advertising tool as putting the name of a car on a car, except a car can't usually go to the mall, it can't spread word-of-mouth (but people will ask about shirts that say nothing on them), and it has to be parked. Shirts can use any mode of transportation you can use. So they are about the best "free" advertising you can get.

2: NO, Nothing isn't something. YES, people can buy nothing. The word nothing is something but the real meaning of that word is nothing. I know it is difficult to comprehend because the word nothing has the word "thing" as its base. Thus, most people think nothing is a thing. The prefix "no" helps us to see more clearly that nothing really has no thing to "it", and although this isn't the very best definition (nothing is), "nothing is the absence of thing". This quality of the word nothing is great comic fodder due to the paradoxical, ironic, and homonymous relationship the word nothing mostly doesn't share with its meaning. So, once again to summarize and illustrate. Nothing "is" "the" "it" "that" doesn't exist. We use the word nothing to help us sell nothing. It (the word nothing) is everything you could ever want in a marketing concept (and less). "It" (nothing) isn't. Imagine everything, now imagine everything being gone (including yourself), now imagine that you (nonexistent) didn't even imagine all of that, now imagine your (nonexistent) self making a joke about the impossibility of all that, now imagine yourself (nonexistent) using that joke to help sell something important, now imagine that what you (nonexistent) thought was something important turned out to be nothing important, now picture yourself (nonexistent) with nothing. I hope that illustration clears everything (nonexistent) up. It is sometimes difficult to answer so many something-centric questions, when my stated purpose doesn't exist.

At any rate, thank you for your questions regarding nothing.

Fanmail: want to be nothing

2007-02-18T18:08:00.000-08:00

On Feb 18, 2007, at 11:37 AM, jon dieks wrote:

i just wanted to write and say i love nothing. the other day this girl asked if i'd like to take her for cofee and i replied " i'd like nothing better" i think about nothing all the time and can't wait to do nothing. i aspire to be nothing. feel nothing, hope for nothing. nothing amazes me. i am thrilled to have found your site and can't wait to pass nothing on.nothing's great, nothing is my religon. here's to hoping you do nothing with yourself!!!!!!!!!!

To which I replied:

You are clearly enthusiastic about nothing. This is good, it shows that you're not jaded. Too many young people these days would rather go to a substance bar and drink something, or travel the whole world and see everything, or hang out with somebody and do whatever it is they do. It does nothing for me to see that there are people like you in this world who aren't willing to let anything get in the way of getting nothing out of life, and I mean that in almost no way at all.

As for your desire to "be nothing" that's pretty much impossible because you exist not only in a sentient living form but also as numerous atoms, so, even if you cease to exist as a living organism, you would still exist as compost, ashes, or a display in a tacky pseudo-medical art exhibit. Even if you found a way to perform a multi-phase fission/fusion reaction that would eventually break you down into energy leaving no matter whatsoever, you would still exist as energy, energy that could possibly even become matter again. Don't get me wrong, we would still see such a feat as an amazing uncomplishment and an outstanding dedication to nothing. Even though you wouldn't have become nothing in the truest sense, we would proudly erect a very small shrine in your honor approximately the size of pi meson in or near a local nuclear power generating facility. This symbolizes the hard work and dedication it takes to accomplish next to nothing. This is a very rare honor, and among the very few outstanding recipients are those two guys who discovered cold fusion, and that dude who travels all over the place with the perpetual motion machine. So you'll be in good company.

You seem to have the drive that will accomplish very little, if not nothing at all.

Q&A Sending nothing to Canada...

2007-02-18T17:10:00.000-08:00

On Feb 18, 2007, at 10:54 AM, i want nothing wrote:

i really want nothing....... this is total genius and i've been searching my whole life for nothing. if i woulda known a could buy nothing i woulda done it ages ago. but my problem is i live in canada, but i really want and desire nothing ,if i threw in the extra coin could you send nothing to canada? and a t-shirt that says nothing?

To which I responded:

I'm happy to have been instrumental in aiding you with your search. I'm not bragging when I say of myself, "without me the world would still believe that nothing was something else, rather than nothing at all." I'm also not being egotistical when I quote myself.

I appreciate that you want to buy nothing and a shirt, and I would like to assist you in getting nothing plus the tee-shirt which may help other Canadians start their search for nothing. How about this, you figure out the exchange rate and send in the form, and as long as the exchange rate is still correct when the check arrives we'll send your shirt and nothing and instructions.

We are seriously considering setting up a little store from which to shop online so you could wait for that, but this whole fill out a form and send us a check is more our speed so we may never bother to change it.

Q&A Curious about money

2007-02-17T13:06:00.000-08:00

On Feb 17, 2007, at 11:13 AM, Curious in Missouri wrote:

Has anyone ever actually mailed you a check?

To which I replied:

Of course people send us checks! How would they buy nothing without money? I don't think you understand the world of finance. You see the marketplace is full of goods and services. People all over the world believe they have something someone else wants, and if they believe hard enough then it comes true, then they sell the thing that everybody now thinks they want. But if you have nothing to sell it is best just to be honest with yourself and everyone else. In the world of something, anything and everything goes. Advertisers and corporations can lie about the product or services they offer and nothing can be done about it. That's where we come in, we are perfectly positioned to do nothing about it.

Nothing isn't a product, so even if we chose to lie, we would be lying about nothing, which is almost better than telling the truth. The truth is that nothing in the world marketplace is very good and by selling nothing we are able to cut down on shipping expenses and pass the savings on to you. That's why nothing is still only $5.00 (US) after more than 11 years on the internet and an eternity in the universal marketplace. You try to find a deal like that anywhere else in the universe and you won't, you know why? Because we looked for it and it doesn't exist. That's why people are willing to fill out forms longhand and mail us checks.

Of course, some people want to show support for nothing by by buying one of our tee-shirts. Because shirts are something, they cost more than nothing but if you have to spend money on something it may as well be something about nothing. Plus, once you have the shirt in your possession you can do whatever you want with it for the rest of eternity with no further payments. And that's not all, when you buy a tee-shirt that says nothing on it you also get nothing, hey, just because you bought something doesn't mean you can't also get nothing! And in this limited time offer (which has been going on since the beginning of time) when you buy nothing you also get our instruction booklet free! This 32 page booklet makes nothing easy! After just a few days, you'll see that there is nothing like nothing. Impress your friends or your lack of friends when they (or -they) find out how little money it takes to no longer have that little bit of money but instead have nothing and a free book about how to use nothing, do nothing, wear nothing and more (or less).

Fanmail: Kind words...

2007-02-15T21:44:00.000-08:00

On Feb 15, 2007, at 9:24 PM, steve wrote:

thankyou for this site which is so antithetically delightful in its antipathy to all of the something that is the rest of the net

To which I responded:

Thank you for your well chosen words. At first reading, I wanted to praise/chide you for these words, but I must admit that these words are excellent considering how difficult it is to find words with meaning in english, and ironically, how astoundingly much more difficult it is to find english words with no meaning at all.

I would like to mention though, that we hate something disguised as nothing much more than we hate something in general. Rather than thanking you for your support (as I may with others) I shall thank you for your inertia.

Q&A A pile of nothing?

2007-02-15T10:03:00.000-08:00

On Feb 15, 2007, at 10:18 AM, Hendrik wrote:

I would like to order nothing, do you send it in pacs, or just one big pile of nothing, I like to shere it with my frends.
Thank you

To which I responded:

Thank you for your question, but I think you are referring to something and not nothing. I will answer the first part of your question first.

Yes, sometimes we send nothing in a package along with instructions. Other times we send nothing near a package containing instructions. Other times nothing is sent along with no package containing no instructions. This third option must be specifically requested using the methods outlined in our help blog, (in fact, the very first Q&A posting to our blog) at http://xymyl.blogspot.com/2007/02/nothing-q_03.html

The second part of your question indicates that you are referring to something and not nothing because you use the term "pile of nothing", something can be piled, almost anything can be piled, but nothing can't be piled. Why? Because "it" isn't, and "things" that aren't can't be piled or even have other things done to them. Also, and this is a minor point that still must be addressed, you shouldn't count "things" that aren't. Yes, even the number "one" is at least 1 too great.

Thank you again for your interest in nothing, I hope this answers your questions.

Fanmail: nothing makes people happy!

2007-02-15T07:34:00.000-08:00

On Feb 15, 2007, at 12:31 AM, A fan of nothing wrote:

I got bored, so I googled nothing. This web site is about nothing, and nothing can make me happier.
-A fan of nothing

To which I responded:

Thank you for your interest in nothing. Boredom is not a new way to get to know nothing, but each case of boredom is surely unique. That's why when someone else is bored you can never say, "I know exactly how you feel." Most of the e-mails we get are actually from bored people. It is exciting for all of us here at nothing.net to see boredom as such a strong motivator for learning. In the old days kids who were bored had to zone out and daydream in order to learn nothing, but today, with computers in almost every classroom the youth (and adults pretending to be young) just look us up online and get to know nothing directly from the "source".

Also, I am thrilled to see that nothing makes you happy. That shows that you are a positive thinker, not like those "glass half full" losers, with them it's always something.

Q&A Nothing almost defined...

2007-02-08T23:16:00.001-08:00

On Feb 8, 2007, at 7:25 PM, Joe Bjorklund wrote:

I decided to look up the definition of nothing in the dictionary and was horrified to find an actual definition, should there not be just a blank space? I have been reading your blogs and am becoming extremely worried about the fact that no matter where I seem to go there is also something. I do not like when I ask people what they are doing and they say "nothing", I am not expecting a run down of all their current bodily functions, or maybe I am, a lot can be implied with such a simple sentence. I also have a distinct aversion to the phrase, something for nothing, this implies that you achieved or received something for putting forth no effort. The lack of effort is not, in any definable way, nothing. This lack of effort, this nothing they refer to is, in fact, something. The speakers of this phrase are turning a verb nothing, into a noun nothing. They are changing the fabric of space, time and language and to me, this act takes extreme effort and is definitely, something. I am also irritating myself by following me everywhere I go. Have a non-existent day.

To which I responded:

Nothing is a word, and as such will be defined in the dictionary. The word nothing is in fact something, but as used by us, it means nothing. I agree that there should be no definition needed to explain the obvious. But by that way of thinking the nothing.net web site and this blog have no need to exist and yet here they are. One of the biggest problems with the definition of nothing is that they call “it” a noun. And that is the most accurate definition.

I appreciate your concern about being surrounded and hounded by everything. As for the idea of people doing nothing, I believe in nothing as an absolute, but there is also place for a relativistic viewpoint in certain instances. Certainly “doing nothing” is one such instance where this viewpoint must be held. Anything, could never be said to be doing nothing without such a platform. Even dead people decompose and that is certainly something. But, come on! It’s a gimme, they’re doing nothing.

As for your statement about “something for nothing” we are aware of an even more disgusting way of using that term. It is of course, the “SOMETHING FOR NOTHING SCAM”. This is a terrible scam where people are convinced to buy something disguised as nothing. A couple of other blogs already posted here discuss these scams in more detail. There will be many more such posts in the near future, we want the public to stay informed. So you don’t need to tell us about “something for nothing” even though you were trying to say something different than what we are saying.

I like your idea about having a non-existent day, however, I am pretty sure it isn’t possible. Or was the irony or possible paradoxical nature of the comment your point?

Q&A Somebody has a lot of questions...

2007-02-05T20:58:00.000-08:00

On Feb 5, 2007, at 7:29 PM, A Concerned Customer wrote:

1. Do you use recyclable packaging when shipping nothing?

2. Can I pay for nothing in installments?

3. Do you freight nothing by weight or volume?

4. Do I get a choice of size and color?

5. Will nothing go out of fashion or do you think it’s timeless?

6. Is nothing collectable? Will it go up in value?

7. Can it go off?

8. Should you guys be date stamping it?

To which I replied:

Hi there Concerned Customer (if indeed that is your real name),

I will try to answer your answer your questions quickly since most of them are either obvious or unnecessary. You do bring up a couple of good questions though, and on those I intend to spend some time. I will apply your scheme of assigning numbers to my answers, so that they correspond to your questions. What possessed you to ask so many questions though? Especially when, you know. Ok, on to the answers.

Answer #1 We don't always ship nothing in a package. But, "It" usually arrives in or near a package. The package is generally very versatile, but not always recyclable. If you opt to not receive the instructions then you may not notice any significant difference in your life due to your exciting purchase since there will be no package at all to herald "its" time of arrival. And being nothing, "it" can exert no force. So you may be confused as to whether or not your order was filled.

Answer #2 Five dollars in installments? That's okay, as long as you opt not to receive the instructions.

Answer #3 This should be obvious. Nothing doesn't have a weight, so, no to the weight. But if you want a certain volume empty* container sent we will charge (you) for all of the shipping costs involved as well as the cost of the packaging.

Answer #4 A size and color of what? I don't understand the question. If you are asking if we can choose our own size and color in an ethnic or hereditary sense. No. If you are asking if we can choose the size and color of the person we might want to get to know on a more personal level. Yes. But sometimes their size and color may change and love will see beyond that. But this isn't a dating forum.

Answer #5 Here, I'll just change your questions to answers. Nothing never goes out of fashion. Nothing is timeless.

Answer #6 No and No.

Answer #7 What? Again, I don't understand. Do you mean go off like a bomb? If this is a trick "big bang" reference I'm not biting. Besides, I believe we have a constantly falling universe, not a constantly expanding universe. Look into it.

Answer #8 No. You say IT a lot as though you think nothing is something. Nothing "isn't" something. That is why "it" is always in brackets. I appreciate your interest in nothing. But to comprehend "it" you'll need to think outside the IT, think beyond the freight or the volume, think above the environment, think past the market, and stop being such a cheapskate. Remember, "it" isn't, and "that" ain't bad.

*Obviously when we say empty we mean we have filled it with nothing. This of course, does NOT mean that we have sucked out any residual atmosphere that would naturally occur within the container. Nor does it mean that we have shielded the container in such a way that it will not allow all forms of light or other features of the electromagnetic spectrum to penetrate the space. Going inside your large box will not have the effect of relieving the force of gravity, unless you are already in such an environment.

Q&A Nothing on the bandwagon?

2007-02-05T15:47:00.000-08:00

On Nov 13, 2004, at 10:41 PM, N Robbins wrote:

how many people have ACTUALLY baught the manual (and/or T-Shirts?!)

To which I replied:

Dear Someone,

You seem to be a bit confused about nothing. If you're looking for bandwagon marketing and a "everybody's doing it" sales pitch then you don't know nothing at all. We only want people to buy nothing if they truly care about nothing. And we only want you to wear a "nothing" tee-shirt if you understand nothing well enough to explain that there is no such thing or that "it" does not exist. Thus, through our laziness we devised a method of testing the interest and understanding of each viewer of the site. You must order by printing out the form and sending a check. Now, we know that no one wants to do that, and that is how we test them to see if they understand nothing. I must tell you, it works brilliantly.

We have considered using online shopping. It's actually much cheaper and easier for us, but we'll probably still wait a while. We are afraid it may look a bit too somethingy.

Also, we don't sell manuals. You buy nothing and the manual is free.

Q&A Nothing for the Blues Brothers to eat...

2007-02-05T15:44:00.000-08:00

On Nov 23, 2004, at 4:43 PM, Rich Interdonato wrote:

I believe that the "Nothing Double Decker" is also referred to as a "Wish Sandwich". Keep up nothing.

To which I replied:

Is that a Blues Brothers reference? If so, nice job.

However, a wish sandwich is "where you have two slices of bread and you wish you had some meat". You already have the meat and then remove it to make a nothing double decker.

I will keep up nothing, thanks for the encouragement?

Q&A What "is" nothing?

2007-02-05T15:28:00.000-08:00

On Jan 3, 2005, at 12:31 AM, Robert J wrote:

what is nothing anyway? I want to know nothing ASAP, so I can order for it.
regards, Rob

To which I replied:

Hi Rob,

Sorry I took so long to write about nothing. The answer is nothing isn't.

Isn't it interesting that the romans had no zero? There was no concept of what zero was. Zero is something even if only a placeholder when crossing from positive to negative numbers on a chart or equation. In fact, zero is the new 1.

Nothing however, is not. Nothing exists not even as a place holder for something. I find it fascinating that there are no (zero) good words to describe nothing in english. The word I'm stuck with incorporates the word "thing" as as the basis of what "it" isn't. The word nothing exists, so if you were to ask me "what is nothing?" I would have to say what I just said. Since you really asked "What is nothing anyway?" I would also add, nothing IS in only one way. Nothing is a word, a word with meaning.

This word "literally" means "no thing" or "absence of thing".

I hope that helps you with nothing.

--Xymyl (KON)

Q&A No Con

2007-02-05T15:25:00.000-08:00

On Jan 29, 2005, at 11:58 AM, Benjamin Branstetter(ST) wrote:

This just may be the greatest con of all time. You actually get people to pay $5 for nothing. I think I just may cry, for you guys are the smartest people I've never met. (Do you guys get a lot of foreigners who don't know what 'nothing' in the english language means, and order it thinking they'll get something?)

To Which I responded:

Thanks for comments. You may be interested to know that although foreigners do often say that they like the site, they never order. Another thing you need to realize is that selling nothing honestly isn't a con. You would need to use some type of trickery or subterfuge to actually con people. People who buy nothing from me are sure that they'll get nothing and are happy that nothing came. The others order tee shirts and worry that they might get nothing, when the tee shirt arrives sometimes they are disappointed. That's the con.

Still, thanks for enjoying nothing.

Q&A Conversation, What do you do?

2007-02-04T09:51:00.000-08:00

There is a conversation that I have all too often. There is some variation but there is one central element. Can you guess what it is? Anyway, the following conversation is a "mashup" if you will, of various similar conversations along that theme:

“What do you do?” I sell nothing on the Internet. “Oh, like Seinfeld, a show about nothing!” No, actually it isn’t anything like that. A show that was actually about nothing wouldn’t be likely to get much airtime, and also, wouldn’t need airtime. But I have no immediate plans on doing a show about nothing, perhaps an infomercial. “Still sounds like Seinfeld to me.” First of all, the show itself wasn’t about nothing, the show very much like it within the show (Jerry) was said to be about nothing. And, just because they used the word nothing to describe the lack of importance of the events, doesn’t mean that it wasn’t about something! “Where did you get the idea from?” Nothing. “Yes, but who gave you the idea?” No one! “Well, I don’t know.” You don’t have to know. “Well, I’m not sure.” What is there to be sure or unsure about? “Well, how did you come up with it?” Nothing, or the idea of selling nothing? “Nothing!” I didn’t come up with nothing, but I believe myself to be the first to fully understand “it”. As for selling nothing, I am also the first to come up with that idea. Others have claimed to sell nothing at times but, as I mentioned before, just because you used the word “nothing” to describe something, does not make that something nothing. Even a con man who exchanges money for nothing usually uses some sort of prop, or perhaps sells a dream or even his own personality. He’s not just selling nothing. I “literally” sell nothing. What’s more, I am the first by a long shot to sell nothing on the Internet. I acquired the domain nothing.net in 1995 and have had my educational site there ever since. What’s even more, to show my dedication to nothing I’ve left it (the web site) virtually unchanged ever since, with only minor edits and additions. In fact there are broken links that have been there since its creation.

Now that is beautiful.

Q&A Nothing Themed Party

2007-02-04T06:34:00.000-08:00

On May 3, 2005, at 4:17 PM, Roy Oaks wrote:

We are having an office party and our designated theme is nothing. Do you have any suggestions?

To which I responded:

Roy,

Thank you for your question. We have run across this situation before and have many practical party hints:

1) Don't show up. People will instantly realize you don't know nothing when you actually show up!
2) Don't allow people in. People are something + they are someone, the something/someone one-two punch is sure to ruin even the best attempts at a nothing themed party.
3) Be near as little as possible. A nothing party is best enjoyed in a bare dark room (in lieu of the relative vacuum of space).
4) Don't wear anything. You're alone in the dark, so nobody will notice, but nothing isn't about other people, or you.
5) Don't eat/don't provide food. The only possible exception to this rule is to get store-bought bottled tap water. Or buy regular bottled water and pour it down the drain filling it up again with tap water. The irony more than makes up for the lack of attention to detail. Distilled water technically has less ingredients in it than tap water but the irony is much more apparent with tap water. This is a case where opinions count because it's not nothing. It's a joke about nothing. Of course you may want to mail the water to the employees. Or give it to them as they leave (before the party starts).
6) Use some of our great recipes from the nothing.net web site. Yes, some of these recipes have something in them but if you follow our previous guidelines no one will notice.
7) Don't worry that you'll get everything right. If you follow these tips nothing will go right.
8) If you must do something, do it with nothing in mind.

Of course we have many other party hints, but there is such a thing as doing too much about nothing. (Or was that much ado?) Doesn't really matter does it?

Remember, nothing can be fun, and nothing lasts forever, so, nothing can ever be fun!

Xymyl (K.O.N.)

Q&A Secret Government Conspiracy Nothing

2007-02-04T06:31:00.000-08:00

On Jan 4, 2004, at 1:31 AM, * wrote:

hey there XYMYL; I am representing a well known enterprise that can not be named; I need to know if you are willing to sell this domain name "nothing.net" ?

To which I responded:

Thanks for your question,

We have no plans to sell the domain (nothing.net). However, if your offer was too high to resist, We might. But, probably not. And don't feel bad that our correspondence may have accomplished nothing. Feel good about it. That's what we're all here for.

--Xymyl

Q&A Nothing capitalistic

2007-02-03T15:45:00.000-08:00

On Nov 24, 2005, at 4:04 AM, A Mad Hatter named "Jeff" wrote:

Hi,
I found your site a few links away after I was looking up "Black Friday". I found your site do be very funny, but because of the repeated (but still funny) puns of the word "nothing", I didn't understand what you were trying to say.

In making way to your site, I could only understand it to be a civil protest against the inequities of capitalism; my least favorite type of economic policy. I so wish socialism was viable.

Anyway, I'd like for to tell me "nothing" ;-) Just kidding, actually, I would like to find out what "nothing" is all about, as I'm interested, and may like to be a contributor.

Thank you, Jeff

To which I replied:

Hello there Jeff,

It is very difficult to explain the obvious. If anything, that's what the site would be about. But the site is about nothing. To get back to my first point which I didn't have in mind when I made the site back in 1995, or when I started to think seriously about nothing more than a decade earlier, but was clearly in mind when I thought more vaguely about nothing years before that, and not at all before my conception, of which I can happily say "I recall nothing", The obvious. The obvious should be obvious. How can a word not be defined by itself? A single word, whatever the word, should have intrinsic meaning or at least self-evident meaning when in context. Ah, but no. People must read something into everything even if the thing is a word that means a lack of thing. It (the word nothing) is the easiest concept to grasp, yet rarely does anyone comprehend that it is a word which means "it" doesn't exist.

You say, "because of the repeated (but still funny) puns of the word "nothing", I didn't understand what you were trying to say". Yes, the site was meant to be funny when I put it together. That was the secondary point. The other point was to see how many people would understand nothing. That was the tertiary point. Very, very few out of the millions of people who ever visited the site can see the obvious. The main point of course, was nothing.

I would never bother to make any type of public statement on *yawn* economic policy. This may seem to you to be an anarchistic statement (but it isn't)... I leave it to the people who care to figure that stuff out (and they will figure it out wrong, and it doesn't matter). What really matters about any economic or political policy is, is it funny? Happily for everyone, all political and social policies are hilarious. Many are tragic comedies, nonetheless all are great comedy fodder for those who say the obvious for a living. I'm perfectly happy with what little I have. I'm even happier with nothing. See?

Well, I hope you finally know nothing. And I hope you finally see the obvious. And no, it's not about the WORD nothing, it's about NOTHING! And no, nothing is not it! At the most "it's" "it".

P.S. This site has remained almost completely unchanged since its creation in 1995. I don't think there would be any need for contributors who don't know nothing. Besides, I've been writing about nothing for years, I just don't update the site because I think it would confuse the public. "Ah ha!", they may say, "you did something!" Best not to get into that.

Q&A no quest

2007-02-03T15:41:00.000-08:00

On Dec 11, 2005, at 12:09 PM, Larry Zang wrote:

I am very intrigued and would like to join your quest for nothing, for absolutely no reason. When should we start? Never!!

To Which I replied:

Dear Larry,

While I admire your lack of initiative, but I can't help but perceive that you view nothing as something to joke about. In reality nothing is nothing to joke about. I also thank you for your offer, however, I don't really need anyone else with me on my "quest for nothing" because there is no such thing. I encourage you however to search for nothing while nothing may be found. And when you finally find nothing don't let anything stand in the way of the happiness that only a boy and nothing can share. The most important thing is the lack of thing. Go out there in to this big fat sweaty world and make a little goose-egg for yourself. When you have nothing you will finally see why there is no quest.

But let us not start never what you alone have already been doing at the time of your writing of your letter to me!

Q&A Volley nothing

2007-02-03T15:28:00.000-08:00

On Feb 26, 2006, at 4:32 PM, brian knitter wrote:

what is nothing?

To which I responded:

Answer: What isn't something?

Thanks for the ignorance.

And then for some reason I thought I needed to clarify further and later wrote:

Nothing is your question and nothing is my answer. A more precise answer would be, when it isn't then "it" "is". This answers your question. I hope you understood it. That is to say, I hope you understood your question.

To which, on Mar 9, 2006, at 9:18 PM, brian knitter responded:

yes. thank you for answering this complex,yet so simple answer.

i now understand the true meaning of nothing, because nothing is something too.

To which I replied:

No, nothing isn't something!!! At most, "it" is the opposite of something, and usually not even that! I should just stick to doing nothing and stop trying to help people understand that "it" isn't. They don't get it and, and they don't get "it", and they don't get nothing.

I know, I got a little carried away. Then he got more carried away and quoted:

On Mar 11, 2006, at 8:30 AM, brian knitter wrote:

Nothing is the lack or absence of anything. "Nothing" and "zero" are closely related but not identical concepts. The term "nothing" is rarely used mathematically, though it could be said that a set contains nothing if and only if it is the empty set, in which case its cardinality (or size) is zero. Nothing differs from zero in the way that zero is something, a finite amount which is defined. ...

To which I was obliged to retort:

Very good try. However, you're just trying to prove that you know nothing. I would have believed you too if not for your previous letter. The idea that without the use of a mathematical guidebook (or some such resource) you could have made such a profound logical about-face, is astounding and unfortunately, unbelievable. You see, what you say is quite correct mathematically speaking, and actually somewhat similar to what I would say to someone who was embarking on a journey to truly comprehend nothing. It is plain to see that you haven't truly come to understand nothing. "How did you know?" you may ask. Very good question. You see, knowing (as you do) that I am the KING OF NOTHING, you would feel no need to add mundane math to our discussion of nothing (had you truly come to know nothing). This explanation could be great for helping mentally handicapped babies and the general public (who are generally a step below mentally handicapped babies according to our independent general comprehension surveys) to understand the concept of nothing. No, not nothing "itself", but the concept.

For future reference I would have been much more impressed had you said something like the following:

Nothing as a concept is similar to zero. In a mathematical sense the two can occupy the same space or (at times) even be the same thing. However, no explanation can properly explain nothing as a reality. And yet, this is what I am about to do.

You see, it is simple and yet it has everything. It is insightful and yet it expresses nothing. Try something like that next time.

Q&A Clearing out my inbox

2007-02-03T09:22:00.000-08:00

On Dec 27, 2006, Russell Scott wrote:

Does nothing.net have a competitor?

To which I responded:

Of course nothing.net has a competitor! It's called everything. This unfair competition happens in two distinct ways: 1) Everything takes up valuable space that would better suited to showcasing nothing. 2) Everybody is always trying to make it seem like nothing is something, thus (in the mind of the "consumer") grouping "it" with everything, which makes people think that when you buy nothing you are actually paying for and getting something or possibly everything. Nothing could be further from the truth. Indeed, if you buy nothing from us you get something as well, but it is free with the purchase of nothing. If you buy a shirt from us, it isn't nothing, it is something. But it showcases nothing quite nicely (in our opinion), and doesn't use any resources (such as light*) that would detract from our message. And as for what nothing isn't, whether you pay for it or not, you either get it or you don't. It is really as simple as that.

*If you are of the school of thought that believes that black in every manifestation is a representation of an absence of color then you would likely choose the black shirt. You would be wrong to choose the black shirt for this reason, but we prefer black as well (for a similar but correct reason). If you are of the school of thought that believes white reflects all colors and thus is black, then you would likely choose the white shirt. Better reasoning, still not 100% correct though. We choose black shirts because we prefer not to reflect too much light, thus easing our consciences about the hazy shadow of indifference often cast in our collective wake.

I hope this answers your question.

Q&A Nothing "operations"

2007-02-03T09:14:00.000-08:00

On January 1st David Kapp wrote:

Dear creator of nothing,

I was just wondering if you are still operational as your site does not seem to have changed in many years. Perhaps I just have a bad memory. Anyway, if you are still selling shirts and of course nothing, then reply so I'll know that it's not just an outdated site or something. I would hate to spend money on nothing and never get anything. Yes pun was intended.

Sincerely, David Kapp

To which I responded:

Thank you David, for your questions and observations.

Yes, the site has been almost completely unchanged since its creation in 1995. I'm very happy to see that you have been following our lack of progress over the years. Oh, there have been some minor edits and additions over the years, but only to the extent that is necessary to express nothing.

I don't appreciate your comment about us being operational. I never have thought of us as being "operational", however, we still sell nothing and shirts. If the sale of nothing and shirts is what you consider operational then I guess we will accept that, but it would be good if you could use a more appropriate term such as, "doing nothing" or "involved with nothing" or even "selling nothing". My point is that even though we must do something to promote nothing, some words just sound too busy and can easily be tempered by adding "nothing" to them. Just a little pet peeve of mine (as is the term pet peeve, but for different reasons).

I can understand your concern about not getting anything when ordering nothing. And I can assure you that we have a long tradition of doing something when it is called for. And when people pay money to get nothing, or a shirt. We will do everything in our power to make sure that... you know, this is seeming like salesmanship to me, and that's just not our way. So, let's conclude this little note with a philosophical quiz that will clear everything up.

Q: If a person is in his home hand-writing an order for a tee-shirt and he hears nothing, did someone just cut down a tree and will he get a shirt?

A: Every second, a section of rainforest the size of a football field is cut down. That's 86,400 football fields of rainforest every single day, or over 31 million of such football field-sized slabs of rainforest each year. So there is plenty of paper available for the person to send in as many orders as said person would like. This is the paper used to make, well, printer paper, envelopes and even stamps! Provided that the person remembers to enclose a check for the proper amount and affix proper postage so that the envelope(s) containing the properly filled out form(s) are properly funded and directed (and barring any carelessness or incompetency of the postal employees that would be involved in the logistics of this first leg of the transaction), the probability is great that the envelope(s) containing the form(s) would almost certainly be received by us. Of course, once it arrives at our location it's sort of a crap shoot isn't it?

I hope that puts your mind at ease.

Thank you for your interest in nothing (even if you seem a bit obsessed with something).

Q&A Something for Nothing

2007-02-03T09:02:00.000-08:00

On November 17 2006 Todd Reed wrote:

I planned on sending you an email to order nothing, then I thought,………………. why? So I did’nt.
But I changed my mind, so I decided to order nothing instead. And I actually got nothing, which is what I asked for and now I know that nothing really is something, so now I would like nothing again. Can you send it?

To Which I responded:

Hi Todd,

I don't know where you got this "nothing" of yours. But I can assure you that we have a nonopoly on nothing, which means that we have the exclusive right to sell nothing. All the proof I need to show that the "nothing" you acquired is indeed a forgery is right here in the letter you sent, which reads in part, "now I know that nothing really is something". The use of the word something to describe nothing is a clear indicator of your having been duped by what we refer to as a Something for Nothing Scam. A Something for Nothing Scam is when someone has disguised, modified or otherwise disfigured something to make it appear worthless and thus (in the mind of the uninformed) appear to be nothing. Even without seeing whatever it is that you have and refer to as both nothing and something, I can assure you (however worthless it may seem) it is something. You see, something is what can be referred to as minor opposite/neutral of nothing. I would say that the one (and nothing) are nothing alike, but that may confuse you. The fact is, that compared to nothing, something might as well be almost everything (everything being what we refer to as a major opposite/neutral of nothing).

About major and minor opposite/neutrals: Although the word "opposite" really can't apply to nothing, we use the term along with the modifier "neutral" to indicate to the uninitiated that there is no force exerted by nothing in this equation. The true opposite of everything would be -everything. But -everything is still an actual value (a debt which must be paid, which is something), the same is true of something and -something. Understanding this total lack of force and value will help some to think deeply enough to realize that nothing needs no descriptor, just a word, or nothing at all. I could get into a long explanation of the mathematical term zero as used in an equation vs. zero as a generic descriptor of nothing, but as you can tell that should be unnecessary based on what I've already said.

Nothing is not like, akin to or opposite of something, anything, a thing or everything. The only thing about nothing is the word "nothing" which is often used to "describe" "it". The word nothing is something, but it means nothing.

I hope this information will help yourself and others avoid these terrible time-wasting Something for Nothing Scams in the future. I hate to see people suffer because of something masquerading as nothing.

Thanks for your interest in nothing. Sorry you got ripped off.

Yet another blatant nothing rip off...

2007-02-03T08:17:00.000-08:00

Somebody has been selling something disguised as nothing to unwitting consumers again. This is just plain sad. While we sit around trying to educate people there are "know-nothings" (who don't) completely confusing the issue by selling trash like this.

I know, you could just go there and buy this because it is right on the image explaining where it came from. But you would be a fool to do this. Because there isn't just nothing inside this plastic dome. There is blatant plagiarism, fiendish copyright infringement, weak conceptualization and mind-numbing misinformation.

I know that millions of people have viewed the nothing.net site over the years, but how many of those have copied bits and peices of it to try to make a buck? Seems like about 20,000 or so. Since we first published this site we have seen massive ad campaigns, obvious rip off products (such as pictured above), comedy sketches, movie plot lines (and gags), even activist platforms all with obvious nods to nothing.net. This would be great if 1: they were actually teaching people nothing, and 2: we were given credit as the greatest minds on nothing known today. Of course, they pretend they thought of this all by themselves. It is clear to those who know nothing, that these people couldn't have come up with these ideas on their own because they wouldn't make obvious mistakes like the following: The item pictured above contains the words, "Absolutely Nothing" yet it is clear that there is a package containging it. And when I say it, I mean it! This package (which is already something) is full of air, gravitons, photons, a huge crazy range of electro-magnetic wavelengths etc... We have always made it clear that on earth nothing comes packed in air, but we would never put "it" in a see-thru enclosure, or even an enclosure.

I just wanted to educate everyone a little on how to spot a blatant rip-off. But if you read it, it's pretty obvious. Don't waste your money on a scam.

Nothing Q&A

2007-02-03T08:00:00.001-08:00

It is only appropriate that questions are answered concerning nothing before I begin writing fascinating musings about nothing. As you know nothing.net has a few FAQ's and other things but these are quite old since the site has remained virtually unchanged for 12 years.

On November 14, 2006 Robert Green wrote:

Ok I don’t get it and I get everything (well not exactly everything), anyways, lets say I’m sending in $5.00 for nothing but I get the manual and that’s something, so wouldn’t I get something when I’m paying for nothing?

To which I responded:

Robert,

Good question. Yes, you will be getting something if you order nothing, but this is what is known as a "freebee". It is something we throw in to make the "pot sweeter". As you can probably imagine, it is very difficult to move nothing without a little something extra to go with "it".

Also, seeing as people in general seem to have difficulty understanding the most basic of abstract concepts, we didn't want to have everyone and his lawyer calling us to complain with ridiculous prose such as, "I didn't get my nothing", or, "I got nothing, now how do I use it?", or even, "I didn't get nothing." We decided that if there were instructions with nothing, the "customer" would likely be signaled (by the arrival of the booklet) that the shipment (nothing) had also arrived.

I see how receiving nothing AND something would be disturbing to you. If you would rather not receive the instructions with your order, simply write in very large red letters "NO I DON'T WANT INSTRUCTION BOOK! THANKS FOR NOTHING." and you will receive nothing. The instructions will be put on our wall of fame and a very small shrine (about 1 micron by 1/1000 micron) will be erected in your honor and not removed until the cleaners find it. Basically, it could be here for years. Not that we are doing anything special in your case, this is standard practice here in our office.

Imagine having infinitely large empty warehouses covering more than the entire universe, and you'll understand what we're going through, and why we use "freebees".

Thanks for your interest in nothing, and only nothing.

finding more time for nothing

2007-02-03T06:45:00.000-08:00

In this fast paced world it is difficult to find the time to do what you want to do. It is not only difficult, but ironic if what you want to do isn’t anything. Here at nothing.net we are interested in educating the masses about nothing. What have we accomplished over the past 12 years? Almost nothing. So we’ve decided it is long overdue that we once again do something about nothing. We still believe in nothing, but we’ve come to realize that If we want you to believe in nothing we will once again (sadly) have to do something about it. So, as the saying goes.... here goes nothing...

Nothing throughout time

2001-01-01T01:01:00.000-08:00

Before language, before light, before thought and beyond belief. Nothing.

2000-01-01T01:01:00.000-08:00

Nothing throughout time

2000-01-01T00:12:00.000-08:00

Before the Internet, before television, before the assembly line and beyond belief. Nothing.