Well, it's that time of year again (for the first time) the time when we pretend that we've always had a nothing essay competition. Wasn't it great last year when it was a tie between all of earth's inhabitants? Or wasn't it even better the year before when everyone thought we were joking and didn't bother to do anything? This year promises to be no better as we expect a very poor turnout. But wouldn't be great if... some number just shy of everyone got involved?
Here are the rules for this years competition:
Write an essay 500 words or less explaining why you ____ nothing.
Blank entries will be accepted, but keep in mind that there will be several blank entries and you will need to find a way to make your blank entry stand out beyond all others. If your blank entry bears a striking resemblance to all others you will receive 1st place. Remember to tell us that your entry is for the essay contest. Also remember to provide your name and address so that we can send you the prize you probably won't get.
All duplicates or ties will receive 1st place.
1st place: All first place winners will receive nothing.
2nd place: The second place winner will receive the nothing users manual, except in the case of a tie in which case all second place winners will receive the 1st place prize.
3rd place: The third place winner will get a tee shirt that says nothing on it, except in the case of a tie in which all third place winners will receive the 1st place prize.
Last place: The last place winner will receive all the prizes left unclaimed by the previous winners except in the rare case that there are no ties which would mean that last place gets nothing at all.