Little Girls, Robots and Nothing

On Mar 13, 2007, at 11:27 AM, a psychotic child or amazing super robot calling itself Christyn Michelle Garber wrote:

Hello, my name is Chrissy. I am 12 years old and i have visited your website numerous times. I have read everything you wrote about nothing and I believe in it too. I have written numerous reports on nothing even before I discovered your web page. I have skipped two grades for my writing and math abilities and am now in the eighth grade. Your page has helped me understand the property of zero in math and has improved my writing ability on account of my writing has been published in a few magazines for about seven issues. I would like to get to know you better so i can listen to some of your reasoning on why nothing is better than something. Please reply; if you cannot I will understand. Thank You, Chrissy

To which I did not e-mail a reply as follows:

Chrissy, when we here at nothing.net were 12 we were not interested in 12 year old girls, and now at more than 3 times that age, we still haven’t been swayed by their ignorant charms or their similarities to fuzzy logic spambots.

If you are a real little girl “Chrissy” then I apologize for being the one who has to tell you that you are belching out spam around the globe. Perhaps the only way they could get their artificial intelligence to work is by strapping the computer to a little girl. I’m not saying that all little girls are stupid, but many of them are like you Chrissy, they go around collecting e-mail addresses from boys who have their own websites, then won’t stop spamming them and writing their names on their schoolbooks. You are already two grades ahead of yourself, and the boys in your grade are presumably 2 years older than you. Isn’t it time you left the world of spam? It is now so very childish and beneath you!!

You couldn’t possibly have read everything I’ve written about nothing because most of my writings about nothing have never been made public. You say you believe in it too, not believe in “it” too. This shows that no matter what you say you’ve learned, you have not learned nothing from reading the nothing.net website.

You say you have written numerous reports on nothing before looking at the site, and that your writing has been improved “on account of my writing has been published...” you realize that doesn’t make any sense in the context of your letter, right? I hope you also realize that you are a very poor writer and should be ashamed rather than proud of having your writing available to the public.

You state that nothing.net has helped you understand the mathematical property of zero. Why should we care about that? Zero sucks! Zero is a sad excuse for nothing most of the time, and when zero is nothing, nothing is a better descriptor. Zero can have properties, yes, we get IT, but we don’t want zero coming around here with all its stale sticky properties. Don’t act like we promote zero, if anything, we would like to demote zero, that’s it.

I can’t continue to reply to this letter as though there is a real person on the other end, you are a sick stale zero of a robo-little girl. Whoever programmed you is a loser, a big fat zero. Next time, if you can’t be programmed to say anything worthwhile, just say nothing.

Please don’t bother to reply, because you nothing to us.

We all hate you Chrissy.