Fanmail: nothing is better than porn

On May 20, 2007, at 1:42 AM, adam watson wrote:

Hello, I was doing nothing tonight on the Internet and to avoid the temptation to look up naughty stuff, I decided to Google nothing instead. I was very pleased with what I found, which was nothing. I was pleasantly surprised. Many people have told me "Nothing is more important than a college education" so I don't put as much effort into my school as I put into doing nothing. I'm bilingual so I can also do nada, which helps out when there's nothing else to do. Nothing is too difficult for really determined people who try as hard as they can, but for me it nothing is simple. If you break it down, in essence it's just "not" and "hing" and since nobody know what "hing" is and nothing is simply the lack of "hing" then nothing could be more clear. I must say thanks, thanks for nothing, if I happen to get some money maybe I'll order nothing from you guys. Nothing would make me happier, at least I think nothing would.

a.w.

P.S. I know you guys are truly dedicated to nothing, but I was wondering if you had tried anything? Just curious. Thanks.

To which I responded:

Adam,

Thank you for using nothing in a positive way. Using nothing to avoid internet naughtiness and outmoded educational constructs is highly commendable. We certainly agree with your stand. I think that more young people should stand up and proudly say that nothing is far better than dirty pictures on the internet.

As for the schooling, if they are really teaching you nothing, it can't be all bad.

I like your explanation of nothing, not because it is makes sense, but because it takes the "thing" out of nothing.

You asked whether we have ever tried anything. No, we have not tried anything in the sense that we have not just randomly tried ANYthing. We have tried things and usually have done quite well. We certainly are not anti-thing, but I know sometimes our pro-nothing stance pumps us up to the point that we speak out against things. Of course, some things suck. These things are terrible and nothing is always better than anything like that.

We have at times had associates who tried a little bit of everything. We disagreed with this carefree lifestyle because it left little time for nothing, plus, these people were mostly disease rich and hygiene poor. Needless to say, we often found ourselves saying phrases such as, "what IS that thing?" or "could you do something about that smell?" or another phrase that indicated that some thing needed to be done to protect us. And we're not about always having to take everything into our own hands.

I think you are on the right track. You seem to have a very balanced view toward everything. Most importantly, you have your priorities in the right order, with nothing fighting for the top ten places.

--Xymyl (KON)