Monday, April 16, 2007

Fanmail: A graduation

For several weeks a fan named Sea Bass has been writing us e-mails explaining how he has nothing to say. We had faith that he would one day really have nothing to say and today our dreams came true because....

On Apr 16, 2007, at 7:52 AM, Sea Bass finally wrote:

And I responded:

Sea Bass,

Thank you for your lack of words, finally, you really do have nothing to say! We have been waiting for this moment since your first e-mail on march 20th. We consider this your graduation. We will be carving your name on a piece of rice and throwing it beneath our conference table, we guarantee that it will remain on display for a minimum of two days.


Xymyl (KON)

Fanmail: Tear duct tribute to nothing...

On Apr 15, 2007, at 9:59 PM, Nicole Davis wrote:

I have nothing to do. Now because of this site, I know nothing makes sense, and I wish more people would strive for nothing and finally we will all realize that we have nothing to worry about.

Thank you for nothing. I llaughed unntil the tears ran from my face annd then I had nothing left.

I have nithing else to say.

N. Davis
A fan of nothing

To which I replied:

My heart skipped a beat when I read your letter which was posted all around the office and even incorporated into our greeting cards. Thank you for getting my heart to shut up for a moment. That moment of silence helped me to see nothing slightly more clearly than nearly ever before. Actually it did nothing for me, but I say that to people way too often.

I'm very glad to see that you have nothing to do and that nothing finally makes sense to you. I'm sorry that you are worrying about nothing though. Although that is our intention with certain people we certainly don't want everyone to worry about nothing. So we will tell you what a disturbed fan recently told us, "if you say nothing, I'm gonna kill you!! haha". For us, the most frightening part of the threat was the maniacal laughter they typed in. Hopefully, this will strike you with terror as well, so you can stop worrying about nothing and get on with your life.

Thank you for emptying your tear ducts as a tribute to nothing. We will erect a small shrine the size of a dust particle in your honor, which will be swept around the office for a minimum of two weeks.

Thank you for your heart pausing interest in nothing.

Xymyl (KON)

Q&A No lack of nothing...

On Apr 10, 2007, at 6:04 AM, Aryeh Lewis wrote:

but... but... but there's no lack of nothing!!
What's so special about the nothing we get when we sign your order forms?

(if you say nothing, I'm gonna KILL you!! haha)

To which I responded:

I would say nothing, but you claim that I will be killed for that simple, correct answer. So I will say another simple and true answer. When we sell nothing you get the instructions. We make no claims that this is an exhaustive resource, but it certainly gets you thinking about nothing and how easy it is to make nothing a major part of your daily life. It includes sections about safety, nothing to do, nothing to say, nothing to eat, nothing to wear, troubleshooting, and even information on how to install the NO/OS.

As for your comment about there being no lack of nothing, I must submit that there is also no surplus of nothing. If you want to get all technical about it there is also no supply of nothing. But we have recently expanded our warehouses to cover infinite space. That means that now all of our warehouses overlap, thus creating the most redundant access to nothing imaginable. When someone buys nothing, they don't want to buy nothing from the guy on the corner who doesn't know nothing, who doesn't have access to the largest empty warehouses in or out of the universe, who can't explain what nothing isn't, or how "it" does or doesn't work. They want nothing to be reliable and predictable. They want to know that they are dealing with the one distribution house that has been authorized to distribute nothing universally. They want to know that nothing they buy is no gimmick, but that "it" really isn't something, everything or anything. There is only one place to get nothing like that, right here.

As for your question in an earlier e-mail question regarding how many e-mails we get each day, we get a different amount of e-mail each day. Often times there are far too many to answer, but other times there are too few to answer. I have to admit that nothing is not as popular as "it" once was. We have had millions of viewers over the years, but people seem to like to see change, so they eventually stop coming. If nothing was going to be about anything (which "it" isn't) "it" would be about not changing anything. Still, we get several hundred unique visitors a day, which is nothing to sneeze at. I don't understand that phrase, but it had the word nothing in it so I decided to use it.

Thank you for your interest in nothing and e-mail.

Xymyl (KON)

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Q&A Can we really order shirts? Answered again...

On Apr 11, 2007, at 12:12 PM, Tom McLeod wrote:

if I order a nothing T-Shirt will I really get one? I don't want to waste money.

To which I responded:

Yes, you'll get a shirt! In fact, to prove they are real we have them available on Amazon now. Just follow this link:

There are just a few available right now, but here at we like to see how close to "0" we can get. As soon as we run out there will be more available.

Thanks for your interest in nothing (and shirts).

Xymyl (KON)