Sunday, July 22, 2007

Q&A Should nothing concern me?

On Jul 22, 2007, at 6:56 PM, No one wrote:

To whom it may not concern,

None of this isn't making sense. Should I be concerned ?

Thanks for "Nothing" , No one.

To which I replied:

Dear No one,

You present a very good and bad question. The answer is clearly, yes and no. Yes, you should be concerned, because nothing should be clear. Apparently nothing isn't clear to you because (to reword your statement), "every little bit of this is making sense". The operative word here is "this". "This" is not nothing. "This" is something. Notwithstanding, "this" is still nothing to be concerned about. So, no, you shouldn't be concerned. Unless you were referring to nothing when you said "this", in which case you should be very concerned. If, however, you were simply referring to nothing as a general concept and thus indicating the existence of that concept when you said "this", don't worry. "This" (in that context) is barely anything. And certainly nothing to worry about. Of course, I don't expect that you will be so pedantic as to worry about "that" (my most recent use of the word nothing) just because of that last sentence.

Thank you for your interest in nothing and your desire to learn whether or not you should be concerned about nothing. I hope this helps.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

A Nothing Wholesaler?

On Jul 5, 2007, at 2:50 PM, Kurt G. wrote:

I know how tiring it is to collect all that Nothing which is why I may be of assistance. I am a Nothing aficionado and an avid collector. I get my Nothing from many different settings to observe if the some-thing that was tainting it at the source has an influence on the Nothing after it is removed. My favorite collecting grounds are deep in caves and desolate mountain peaks. It seems to me that the greater lengths (or depths) you go to locate a specific specimen makes it more pure and noteworthy. Holes located underneath rocks is one of my favorite wellsprings for Nothing. Distilling Nothing from a something is of course more difficult and involved but the rewards are much sweeter and vapid. So if you need help in lifting the burden of obtaining all that Nothing, I'm your man. With over 10 years in the pursuit of Nothing, adept at successful capturing and cataloguing of Nothing as well as the distillation of its essence, I can guarantee that the Nothing you provide to your customers will be of the purest grade possible. You of all people realize that the saying "Nothing is free" is a lie and will understand my need for direct compensation. One fifth of your retail price per shipment could possibly cover my expenses. Good news for you is that my methods of Nothing containment allow for expansion when you repackage (in a sterile environment I hope!) so that one shipment from me could supply several of your retail packages. Intrigued and available,

Kurt Gindling

To which I replied:


We appreciate your offer to collect nothing for us, but we regret to inform you that you have actually been relocating catalogued nothing within our warehouses. We must insist that you return nothing to where "it" was (or was not) found. We have had to delay shipment to many nothing unthusiasts who have had nothing on "lay away" in or near caves, under seashells and in other hard to reach locations such as holes beneath rocks and the collective consciousness of the public. You have made it very difficult, and sometimes impossible to locate nothing to send to our patrons. I know, we make nothing look easy, but sometimes nothing isn't as easy as "it" seems. Especially when well-meaning folks such as yourself are just making nothing more difficult for us.

We appreciate that you love nothing enough to travel to the ends of the earth in search of the most vacuous nothing imaginable, but we have nothing catalogued by inversion, pun, hyperbole, general figure of speech, compound pun, thought experiment, and many other concepts. But most and least of all, we have pure nothing 100% fat free with barely any gimmicks actually being used in "it's" purveyance.

Your packaging methods seem a bit suspect. I hope you haven't been ruining nothing by packaging "it" compressed. We generally ship nothing near a package rather than in one. Part of the reason for this is that it is almost impossible to get everything out of the package, some people are likely to complain if there is dust or hair in the shipment. "Hair in nothing? That's a dust bunny." some have said, we don't want to repeat that fiasco. In case you may be familiar with this incident, the parties involved have been sacked.

I am however, quite interested in your "essence of nothing" idea. What do you actually put in "it" to give "it" an essence? I am fascinated, please inform.

Thank you for your "no can do" attitude. We may need your assistance in helping us track down a very volatile order of nothing puns that really are not funny yet are quite beloved. If you see them, there should be a box next to them containing a lead lined vacuum flask, a roll of yttrium-barium-copper oxide tape, a pressurized tank of liquid nitrogen, oven mitts, a hydrogen powered rocket and directions to the "event horizon" of the nearest black hole. There may also be a device resembling a standard aviation gyroscope, please don't touch that. If you see these items, please contact us and we'll negotiate safe transfer. Be warned, the puns will severely damage your credibility if used improperly, that is to say, if they are uttered.

Thanks again, please continue your search for nothing, but let us know the next time you change nothing around.


Fanmail: Not quite new to nothing...

On Jul 9, 2007, at 11:12 PM, Bryan L. wrote:

I can now say I've been at nothing for a while. In my case this would probably mean more than just a while, though, when you consider the nothing that came before this website.

Great site! I can honestly think of nothing else to say. =:)

Bryan L.

To which I replied:


I'm not sure what you mean by most of what you said in your e-mail. However, I do hope you meant nothing by it. You truly seem to appreciate nothing. But some who act like they love nothing are really hiding something. I don't think this is the case with you, but just to be sure, I'd like to find out nothing else you have to say. I only ask this because you did say "else". So you can understand why I need to be sure.

You started out saying something - kind words about nothing and the website. This is forgivable. Indeed, we need to forgive ourselves every day as part our daily generalized therapeutic negation. Not that we live monastic lives of self denial, but we strive for the nullific existence of nonacceptance. This, of course can not only be achieved, but it can also not quite be achieved. But the unreachable goal we often seek is "it's" own reward.

As I drink unfiltered air from a brick, I am reminded that this - like many things - is unlikely, but nothing really is possible.

Thank you for your pure, true and hopeful interest in nothing.

Saturday, July 7, 2007

I've got nothing...

Even though I haven't been talking about nothing as much as I usually do, the people are still speaking. Here are a couple of comments regarding I'm not sure if the second one was meant to mean something or not. I chose to believe that it has no meaning.

On Jul 6, 2007, at 6:24 PM, No body wrote:

After reading this site, I absolutely understood nothing!

On Jul 6, 2007, at 8:30 AM, mark cryer wrote:

since nowhere means not any ware and everything must exist somewhere then surely only nothing can exist in the middle of no ware!

Monday, July 2, 2007

Sorry about something...

I'd like to thank everyone for their nothing centric e-mails. I haven’t had a chance to reply or post for a little while. I am even more ashamed to say that something was keeping me from doing anything about nothing with this blog. I am further distressed about what I am preparing to say. I might be an artist. I’ve been hiding these tendencies for many years, and now I think it is time I showed the world what my secret life has been like.

Xymyl Gallery

We can still do nothing together, “it” will just seem a little different for a while.