Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Top level communication: No Contest!!

Well, it's that time of year again (for the first time) the time when we pretend that we've always had a nothing essay competition. Wasn't it great last year when it was a tie between all of earth's inhabitants? Or wasn't it even better the year before when everyone thought we were joking and didn't bother to do anything? This year promises to be no better as we expect a very poor turnout. But wouldn't be great if... some number just shy of everyone got involved?

Here are the rules for this years competition:

Write an essay 500 words or less explaining why you ____ nothing.

Blank entries will be accepted, but keep in mind that there will be several blank entries and you will need to find a way to make your blank entry stand out beyond all others. If your blank entry bears a striking resemblance to all others you will receive 1st place. Remember to tell us that your entry is for the essay contest. Also remember to provide your name and address so that we can send you the prize you probably won't get.

All duplicates or ties will receive 1st place.


1st place: All first place winners will receive nothing.

2nd place: The second place winner will receive the nothing users manual, except in the case of a tie in which case all second place winners will receive the 1st place prize.

3rd place: The third place winner will get a tee shirt that says nothing on it, except in the case of a tie in which all third place winners will receive the 1st place prize.

Last place: The last place winner will receive all the prizes left unclaimed by the previous winners except in the rare case that there are no ties which would mean that last place gets nothing at all.


Anonymous said...

I want to participate in the essay contest and the following is my essay:

I want nothing

Every year during New Year, birthday, Christmas and other anniversary dates, people will ask me what do I want for the special day or what do I plan to do/change/learn and etc. For a few years, I cannot think of anything. I have enough food to eat; clothes to wear; job that pays ok; a house for shelter. I have all the nessasity for living. I don't need anything else. And I don't want to plan for anything. Life is not in my hand. I have no say about. I planned for many thing in the past and they never worked out. And that's disappointing. And I don't want to be disappointed again. Thus I do not plan anymore. I want nothing. And that scares me.

Thanks. Please notify me at this e-mail address ( I won. Oh, by the way, my name is Lekmay. Thanks again.

Anonymous said...

I ____ nothing. No reason. ____ing is just something I do, apparently.

This is less than 500 words, probably.

Anonymous said...

The nothing essay
Nothing is as pretty as O2
Nothing smells just as good as empty washed up 100 year old perfume bottle
Nothing is better than somthing
while somthing can be better than nothing, but nothing is better then something.
Nothing is more preferembele than a somthing
Nothing tastes better than somthing
Nothing is beughtiful.
Nothing is pretty like air
The chemical symbol of nothing is

How wonderful that is.
Its better than hydrogen, alcohale, plutonium and cheese.
oh how i luv nothing. i will now write the nothing symbol 300 times

The end of my wonderfull more than 500 words that mean nothing to me.

Anonymous said...

i'm anomonyous

Anonymous said...

Here is our essay.There, we hope you liked it.

--The three brothers

½ said...

Perception of the understanding of something determines IT is something. Perception is reality and without there is a dream. For if you're not perceiving anything, then surely you understand it already. It is impossible to perceive nothing to the affect that Nothing is nothing. If you claim to understand nothing then you are mistaken. Nothing can be used to understand nothing. Only in a dream can Nothing be experienced along with anything. As Bue-Bye said: "Ain't no place that there never was."

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

my easay is: