On Sat, 24 Apr 1999, Brienne DeJong wrote:
Stupid question, but my kinda adopted little sis wants to know... If I send you $5 and my friends adress, will you send her an empty box, or nothing at all? If it's an empty box, can I send a personal message with it?
Thanks, Brienne
To which I replied:
Actually,
We send nothing, then, several weeks later we send a plain envelope with a small instruction book enclosed.
It explains nothing.
--Xymyl
Showing posts with label Archival nothing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Archival nothing. Show all posts
Monday, December 10, 2007
Sunday, December 9, 2007
Fanmail Archive: Got nothing.
On Fri, 5 Mar 1999 BEIL99 wrote:
I'm really pissed. I order nothing and I got nothing in return. This is the last time I will order nothing from you!! I may even take this nothing order up with the consumer affairs divsion of my local internet provider,who has nothing to say about nothing. From now on I will look forward to getting nothing from you and you will get nothing from me!! , Thanks for nothing
Dear Cunsumer,
To order nothing may mean not to order, or it may mean to pay money and get nothing in return. Since we've never received an order from you I'd have to assume it's the former.
Your interest in our lack of product brings us great pleasure. We are glad that nothing is such an important part of your life as to motivate you write such a spirited letter to us. I do hope, however, you send *actual* money (in the form of a check or money order) towards the purchase of nothing (remember, you not only get nothing but you'll get our instruction book free with every purchase).
Before you order, let me remind you. You get what you pay for.
Thank you.
Xymyl (KON)
I'm really pissed. I order nothing and I got nothing in return. This is the last time I will order nothing from you!! I may even take this nothing order up with the consumer affairs divsion of my local internet provider,who has nothing to say about nothing. From now on I will look forward to getting nothing from you and you will get nothing from me!! , Thanks for nothing
Dear Cunsumer,
To order nothing may mean not to order, or it may mean to pay money and get nothing in return. Since we've never received an order from you I'd have to assume it's the former.
Your interest in our lack of product brings us great pleasure. We are glad that nothing is such an important part of your life as to motivate you write such a spirited letter to us. I do hope, however, you send *actual* money (in the form of a check or money order) towards the purchase of nothing (remember, you not only get nothing but you'll get our instruction book free with every purchase).
Before you order, let me remind you. You get what you pay for.
Thank you.
Xymyl (KON)
Friday, December 7, 2007
Fanmail Archive: Peoples Game Player?
On Tue, 2 Feb 1999, ho goht wrote:
hi, i'm not a prankster who doesn't have anything better to do than do anything, i'm just Mr nothing on a everything world ...by queer coincidence, i happened to click on your web link from webcrawler search cos i searched for nothing....so why am i saying all these..could it be for something,,,i guess not cos i just have this to say to you.....YOU MUST BE A GOOD PEOPLE 'S GAME PLAYER .......i said something but now it's ( ).
To which I responded:
I'm not sure what "A GOOD PEOPLE 'S GAME PLAYER" is but it seems too extreme for someone like me. I like to just sit back and do nothing.
Xymyl (KON)
hi, i'm not a prankster who doesn't have anything better to do than do anything, i'm just Mr nothing on a everything world ...by queer coincidence, i happened to click on your web link from webcrawler search cos i searched for nothing....so why am i saying all these..could it be for something,,,i guess not cos i just have this to say to you.....YOU MUST BE A GOOD PEOPLE 'S GAME PLAYER .......i said something but now it's ( ).
To which I responded:
I'm not sure what "A GOOD PEOPLE 'S GAME PLAYER" is but it seems too extreme for someone like me. I like to just sit back and do nothing.
Xymyl (KON)
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Q&A Archive: Expensive Shirts?
On Mon, 18 Jan 1999, Killboy Powerhead wrote:
> why are your tshirts so fu**ing expensive?
To which I replied:
Because we waste so much time answering e-mail.
--Xymyl
> why are your tshirts so fu**ing expensive?
To which I replied:
Because we waste so much time answering e-mail.
--Xymyl
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Hatemail Archive: You can't do nothing...
On Tue, 5 Jan 1999, Jonathan Davis wrote:
i hate to be the one to tell you, but you can't do nothing without dying. if you truly want to do nothing don't breath,suffucate, eat, starve, sleep, stay awake, die, or live.
dumb ass.
To which I replied:
Johnny,
I hate to be the one to tell you this but...
You state, "you can't do nothing without dying" which is a double negative. That could mean either you can do anything without dying, you can do anything while alive, you must do something without dying, you must do something instead of dying, or you can do nothing with dying.
Let's examine these briefly:
1) you can do anything without dying
This statement is incorrect. I could jump off a tall building, tie dynamite to my head and ignite it, get hit by a bus etc...
2) you can do anything while alive
This is also a false statement. I can't go to the sun, or be completely eaten by maggots while alive (I could go on and on).
3) you must do something without dying
This is a lie. Whoever told you this should be shot while skiing. I've heard of people who died while flying or falling. In fact, it seems that you must be doing something if you are going to die.
4) you must do something instead of dying
This also is a total falsehood. I could choose to die, to live and die later on, or even to die while drinking my favorite wine.
5) you can do nothing with dying
This also is not entirely correct. Although you can do nothing while dying, you generally end up doing more than ever before. Many a mans last days are far busier than his earlier days. With trips to the hospital, calling 911, often speaking to the police, getting limbs amputated, I could go on and on... I think you get the idea.
I'm sure there are many more meanings for this sentence. You can be sure whatever they are, they will all prove you wrong (and probably stupid).
Xymyl (KON)
i hate to be the one to tell you, but you can't do nothing without dying. if you truly want to do nothing don't breath,suffucate, eat, starve, sleep, stay awake, die, or live.
dumb ass.
To which I replied:
Johnny,
I hate to be the one to tell you this but...
You state, "you can't do nothing without dying" which is a double negative. That could mean either you can do anything without dying, you can do anything while alive, you must do something without dying, you must do something instead of dying, or you can do nothing with dying.
Let's examine these briefly:
1) you can do anything without dying
This statement is incorrect. I could jump off a tall building, tie dynamite to my head and ignite it, get hit by a bus etc...
2) you can do anything while alive
This is also a false statement. I can't go to the sun, or be completely eaten by maggots while alive (I could go on and on).
3) you must do something without dying
This is a lie. Whoever told you this should be shot while skiing. I've heard of people who died while flying or falling. In fact, it seems that you must be doing something if you are going to die.
4) you must do something instead of dying
This also is a total falsehood. I could choose to die, to live and die later on, or even to die while drinking my favorite wine.
5) you can do nothing with dying
This also is not entirely correct. Although you can do nothing while dying, you generally end up doing more than ever before. Many a mans last days are far busier than his earlier days. With trips to the hospital, calling 911, often speaking to the police, getting limbs amputated, I could go on and on... I think you get the idea.
I'm sure there are many more meanings for this sentence. You can be sure whatever they are, they will all prove you wrong (and probably stupid).
Xymyl (KON)
Monday, December 3, 2007
Hatemail Archive: Stupid!
On Wed, 5 Aug 1998 blueie@webtv.net wrote:
> YOU People are veary stupd
To which I quipped:
That may be but we can spell.
> YOU People are veary stupd
To which I quipped:
That may be but we can spell.
Sunday, December 2, 2007
Q&A Archive: For real?
On Wed, 15 Jul 1998, RON & WILMA OLSON wrote:
> Are you really for REAL?
To which I replied:
No, not really. Wait I take that back... it only costs five dollars U.S.
to find out.
> Are you really for REAL?
To which I replied:
No, not really. Wait I take that back... it only costs five dollars U.S.
to find out.
Saturday, December 1, 2007
Q&A Archive: Good question!
On Sat, 11 Jul 1998, kathi ricci wrote:
To which I replied:
Good question.
The answer is as follows:
To which I replied:
Good question.
The answer is as follows:
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Q&A Archive: Ignored questions...
On Thu, 30 Apr 1998, robert spaulding wrote:
Dear Xymyl,
I wrote a check for nothing and felt less than nothing, and by this nothingly, and non-receiving 32 pages of nothing, I increase my nothingness beyond by expectations! noughly vacuumi, robert spaulding
PS are there any openings at your university? something in the sports program?
To which I seem to have somewhat incorrectly responded:
Robert,
If you write a check out for nothing, you will indeed recieve nothing but
also something (that is our 32 page instruction booklet which is
certainly not nothing). It is of course about nothing, that is to say on
the subject of nothing. Of course all this (and nothing) can be yours
only if you actually send us the check you wrote out for nothing.
Often people make the mistake of thinking that a booklet or tee-shirt is
nothing, obviously tee-shirts and instructions are something and not just
anything at all, but (and here's the point) they are tee-shirts and
instructions. There is no way to make 32 pages of nothing... it doesn't
even make sense. Once you have a page you have something.
Nothing is greater than all these things, because nothing exists only in
concept, and to people who think only in concept nothing is real!
"It's" beautiful.
Dear Xymyl,
I wrote a check for nothing and felt less than nothing, and by this nothingly, and non-receiving 32 pages of nothing, I increase my nothingness beyond by expectations! noughly vacuumi, robert spaulding
PS are there any openings at your university? something in the sports program?
To which I seem to have somewhat incorrectly responded:
Robert,
If you write a check out for nothing, you will indeed recieve nothing but
also something (that is our 32 page instruction booklet which is
certainly not nothing). It is of course about nothing, that is to say on
the subject of nothing. Of course all this (and nothing) can be yours
only if you actually send us the check you wrote out for nothing.
Often people make the mistake of thinking that a booklet or tee-shirt is
nothing, obviously tee-shirts and instructions are something and not just
anything at all, but (and here's the point) they are tee-shirts and
instructions. There is no way to make 32 pages of nothing... it doesn't
even make sense. Once you have a page you have something.
Nothing is greater than all these things, because nothing exists only in
concept, and to people who think only in concept nothing is real!
"It's" beautiful.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Q&A Archive: The past and future of nothing?
On Tue, 28 Apr 1998, robert spaulding wrote:
i'm glad to see the universe has a redundancy of ideas as i was talking about a web site like this myself about 6 months ago, great to see that you have nothing up and runing. are you going to issue stock? deep space sub-division of nothing? franchise nothing? passports? cds? cassettes? empty promises? in nothingness, robert spaulding
To which I replied:
The web site is nothing in comparison to the nothing I have nurtured over
the years from not even a speck to even less. If you'd like to learn more
about less and less, or less and less about more (progressively) just buy
our 32 page booklet. If you don't get it then you don't know nothing.
P.S. nothing.net has been alive since 1995.
--Xymyl
i'm glad to see the universe has a redundancy of ideas as i was talking about a web site like this myself about 6 months ago, great to see that you have nothing up and runing. are you going to issue stock? deep space sub-division of nothing? franchise nothing? passports? cds? cassettes? empty promises? in nothingness, robert spaulding
To which I replied:
The web site is nothing in comparison to the nothing I have nurtured over
the years from not even a speck to even less. If you'd like to learn more
about less and less, or less and less about more (progressively) just buy
our 32 page booklet. If you don't get it then you don't know nothing.
P.S. nothing.net has been alive since 1995.
--Xymyl
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Fanmail Archive: Nothing to say...
On Thu, 9 Apr 1998, Ethereal wrote:
hope nothing happens to ya!
To which I responded:
You're too late somebody just stole my car stereo and cd player.
Of course now I keep nothing in that spot.
--Xymyl
hope nothing happens to ya!
To which I responded:
You're too late somebody just stole my car stereo and cd player.
Of course now I keep nothing in that spot.
--Xymyl
Monday, November 26, 2007
Fanmail Archive: Nothing to say...
On Mon, 23 Mar 1998, Peggy & Bob wrote:
I have absolutely nothing to say to you.
Peggy S Carlan RN
To which I mused:
I'm not surprised.
--Xymyl
I have absolutely nothing to say to you.
Peggy S Carlan RN
To which I mused:
I'm not surprised.
--Xymyl
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Q&A Archive: What is it?
On Thu, 19 Feb 1998, Ted Brasky wrote:
hilarious...but what is it?
Hey...
what exactly are you selling? -- please don't say "nothing" because that's why I'm confused.... whatever it is -- be it a joke or an actual business --- it's hilarious!!!
To which I replied:
Thank you for your compliments,
"It" isn't.
I won't say "nothing" because what we're selling is actually nothing. No
cheap imitations, no gimmicks (well, maybe some gimmicks, but
we're not selling any of our gimmicks, we give them away free with each
order of nothing). And we have tee-shirts that say nothing on them which
is something. So, to answer your question, we sell something AND nothing.
Our blatant honesty in advertising seems to confuse some people but we're
sure that it'll catch on (or we don't know nothing, and I think we do).
We hope we'll make money off "it". The great thing is nothing's flexible
and we're sure nothing's going to work for us!
Thanks for your question and always remember, there's something for anyone but nothing's for everyone.
--Xymyl (the king of nothing)
hilarious...but what is it?
Hey...
what exactly are you selling? -- please don't say "nothing" because that's why I'm confused.... whatever it is -- be it a joke or an actual business --- it's hilarious!!!
To which I replied:
Thank you for your compliments,
"It" isn't.
I won't say "nothing" because what we're selling is actually nothing. No
cheap imitations, no gimmicks (well, maybe some gimmicks, but
we're not selling any of our gimmicks, we give them away free with each
order of nothing). And we have tee-shirts that say nothing on them which
is something. So, to answer your question, we sell something AND nothing.
Our blatant honesty in advertising seems to confuse some people but we're
sure that it'll catch on (or we don't know nothing, and I think we do).
We hope we'll make money off "it". The great thing is nothing's flexible
and we're sure nothing's going to work for us!
Thanks for your question and always remember, there's something for anyone but nothing's for everyone.
--Xymyl (the king of nothing)
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Q&A Archive: What do I get?
On Thu, 12 Feb 1998, B. Shively wrote:
> Really, if I order nothing, what do I get? And what's in the
> instruction manual.
To which I apparently replied:
You get nothing. and detailed instructions on how "it" can be used to
enrich your (otherwise full and fulfilling) life.
Yes, nothing can be yours, but only if you act now!
Thanks for writing with your question!
Sincerely,
Xymyl (the king of nothing)
> Really, if I order nothing, what do I get? And what's in the
> instruction manual.
To which I apparently replied:
You get nothing. and detailed instructions on how "it" can be used to
enrich your (otherwise full and fulfilling) life.
Yes, nothing can be yours, but only if you act now!
Thanks for writing with your question!
Sincerely,
Xymyl (the king of nothing)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)