Q&A Nothing Themed Party

On May 3, 2005, at 4:17 PM, Roy Oaks wrote:

We are having an office party and our designated theme is nothing.  Do you have any suggestions?

To which I responded:

Roy,

Thank you for your question. We have run across this situation before and have many practical party hints:

1) Don't show up. People will instantly realize you don't know nothing when you actually show up!
2) Don't allow people in. People are something + they are someone, the something/someone one-two punch is sure to ruin even the best attempts at a nothing themed party.
3) Be near as little as possible. A nothing party is best enjoyed in a bare dark room (in lieu of the relative vacuum of space).
4) Don't wear anything. You're alone in the dark, so nobody will notice, but nothing isn't about other people, or you.
5) Don't eat/don't provide food. The only possible exception to this rule is to get store-bought bottled tap water. Or buy regular bottled water and pour it down the drain filling it up again with tap water. The irony more than makes up for the lack of attention to detail. Distilled water technically has less ingredients in it than tap water but the irony is much more apparent with tap water. This is a case where opinions count because it's not nothing. It's a joke about nothing. Of course you may want to mail the water to the employees. Or give it to them as they leave (before the party starts).
6) Use some of our great recipes from the nothing.net web site. Yes, some of these recipes have something in them but if you follow our previous guidelines no one will notice.
7) Don't worry that you'll get everything right. If you follow these tips nothing will go right.
8) If you must do something, do it with nothing in mind.

Of course we have many other party hints, but there is such a thing as doing too much about nothing. (Or was that much ado?) Doesn't really matter does it?

Remember, nothing can be fun, and nothing lasts forever, so, nothing can ever be fun!

Xymyl (K.O.N.)