Monday, February 5, 2007

Q&A Somebody has a lot of questions...

On Feb 5, 2007, at 7:29 PM, A Concerned Customer wrote:

1. Do you use recyclable packaging when shipping nothing?

2. Can I pay for nothing in installments?

3. Do you freight nothing by weight or volume?

4. Do I get a choice of size and color?

5. Will nothing go out of fashion or do you think it’s timeless?

6. Is nothing collectable? Will it go up in value?

7. Can it go off?

8. Should you guys be date stamping it?

To which I replied:

Hi there Concerned Customer (if indeed that is your real name),

I will try to answer your answer your questions quickly since most of them are either obvious or unnecessary. You do bring up a couple of good questions though, and on those I intend to spend some time. I will apply your scheme of assigning numbers to my answers, so that they correspond to your questions. What possessed you to ask so many questions though? Especially when, you know. Ok, on to the answers.

Answer #1 We don't always ship nothing in a package. But, "It" usually arrives in or near a package. The package is generally very versatile, but not always recyclable. If you opt to not receive the instructions then you may not notice any significant difference in your life due to your exciting purchase since there will be no package at all to herald "its" time of arrival. And being nothing, "it" can exert no force. So you may be confused as to whether or not your order was filled.

Answer #2 Five dollars in installments? That's okay, as long as you opt not to receive the instructions.

Answer #3 This should be obvious. Nothing doesn't have a weight, so, no to the weight. But if you want a certain volume empty* container sent we will charge (you) for all of the shipping costs involved as well as the cost of the packaging.

Answer #4 A size and color of what? I don't understand the question. If you are asking if we can choose our own size and color in an ethnic or hereditary sense. No. If you are asking if we can choose the size and color of the person we might want to get to know on a more personal level. Yes. But sometimes their size and color may change and love will see beyond that. But this isn't a dating forum.

Answer #5 Here, I'll just change your questions to answers. Nothing never goes out of fashion. Nothing is timeless.

Answer #6 No and No.

Answer #7 What? Again, I don't understand. Do you mean go off like a bomb? If this is a trick "big bang" reference I'm not biting. Besides, I believe we have a constantly falling universe, not a constantly expanding universe. Look into it.

Answer #8 No. You say IT a lot as though you think nothing is something. Nothing "isn't" something. That is why "it" is always in brackets. I appreciate your interest in nothing. But to comprehend "it" you'll need to think outside the IT, think beyond the freight or the volume, think above the environment, think past the market, and stop being such a cheapskate. Remember, "it" isn't, and "that" ain't bad.

*Obviously when we say empty we mean we have filled it with nothing. This of course, does NOT mean that we have sucked out any residual atmosphere that would naturally occur within the container. Nor does it mean that we have shielded the container in such a way that it will not allow all forms of light or other features of the electromagnetic spectrum to penetrate the space. Going inside your large box will not have the effect of relieving the force of gravity, unless you are already in such an environment.

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